Story about my experience, first ever stuffing and what now?

I have to get this of my chest because there's no one else I can talk to this about. Yesterday, while my partner was out of the house for the night I decided to do my first ever stuffing. I used to have periods of overeating when I was a teenager but nothing like completely stuffing myself to the max.

Just a bit about me and my experience with this fetish. I'm pretty skinny, not super skinny I mostly wear medium sized clothing and my butt hip area is more like a large. I used stuff my clothes with pillows as a kid before I even knew about this fetish at all. I love the thought of getting fat but I'm too afraid to give in. Like a lot of people I've been conditioned to believe that being skinny is my highest worth. Funny thing is though that that believe is exactly what makes this fetish so freaking hot for me. The thought of letting go completely. But in real life, I just can't put myself to it (yet).

However, occasionally this fetish completely takes me over, it's all I can think about for days. I had been thinking about it all week to a point where I was about to have sex with my partner and put on a black latex suit that I found to be juust a bit tighter than it was before. I had trouble getting all laced up (it has laces in the front). It turned me on like crazy of course. My partner however doesn't know anything about me having this fetish, probably hasn't even heard about it at all. And I'm just so afraid to bring it up lmao. We talk about literally everything but silly enough this feels like a step to far. However he does love how big my butt is. He loves to smack and touch it, he really loves my curves in general. I pretty much an hourglass figure, big boobs and hips, small(er) waist etc. He also really loves to craddle my stomach when we cuddle (and even says things like: mmm I love your soft tummy ??) I don't know what to think of this at all. I mean it's super sweet but I also know that the one thing he didn't like about his ex was that she'd put on too much weight for his liking (on top of a bunch of other problems mainly them just not getting a long anymore so I don't think it was just the weight but idk). I can't shed that thought. I'd love to gain more but I'd obviously hate for him to find me less attractive. Either way, I'm struggling a lot with this.

But back to my stuffing. I decided to just go for it because I had to know what it felt like. So I bought a pizza, a cake, and a bag of chips and a can of whipped cream. Around 2 in the afternoon I decided to go for it. I had no idea if I could even finish it all because I had never even done anything like this. I put on a tight outfit, which turned be on so much because I found I had at least gained a bit of weight because the jeans I put on where actually pretty tight on me and I had no idea they'd gotten tighter. And I very tight mesh shirt. I had already drank a bit of alcohol because I thought it would help in letting go, it really did! Then I got to the kitchen and started preparing everything but I literally couldn't even stop myself. I opened the back of chips and started to shove handful directly into my mouth. I got to the pizza and tore it in half and folded one side and put everything in my mouth the sauce literally getting everywhere. When I opened the cake it just held the whole thing in my hand and took bites right from it. You guys, it felt so freeing, so freaking disgusting and freeing. I rotated between the tree food right at my counter top and I was getting so full so fast because I'm not used to anything. I started moaning at that feeling because it was the hottest thing I had ever ever done. I drank a coke with barcardi in between and was getting so tight so quickly.

I think I could have finished the whole thing like that but I also realized I wanted to sit down to feel the pressure of my tight jeans and damn that was even better. I brought all the stuff to a table and just continued. I was so full already. I felt super drunk, tight and in absolute bliss. I put the whipped cream directly into my mouth, everything was covered in sauce, crumbs and I kept rubbing my stomach because it was starting to hurt so bad but it was so so good. I've never had such a cathartic experience in my life. Feeling like if I could do this I could do everything lmao.

After that I went to bed to masturbate which felt it was for hours and I almost fell asleep in between.

However after I actually went to bed an woke up the next morning this experience left me with the feeling of having had a hangover. Was is worth it thought: yes absolutely.

I just have no clue what to do know, I'm completely taken over by the thought of gaining. I don't want to be obese though. I love certain activities to much to give up and I actually also like being active. I'd love to have a body that feels bigger, jiggles when I walk, a stomach that rests in my lap when I sit etc.

Either way, thanks for reading! I really had to blow off some steam
2 weeks

Story about my experience, first ever stuffing and what now?

I am once again tell people that there are more body types in this world than "skinny" and "obese".

If you wear mediums on top and large on the bottom, you are not skinny. This is not a bad thing. It's just a thing. You are most likely a thick or curvy pear.

If you want to gain, but don't want to give up certain activities, you can have both. You don't need to choose. Just gain up to a certain point, whatever is comfortable for you, and keep up with your fitness.

If you don't want to gain at all, then you can try occasional stuffing. Maybe a few times a month at most.

And lastly, I'd unpack why you don't want to tell your partner. Is it because you are ashamed? Or is it because you don't trust them with the information?
2 weeks

Story about my experience, first ever stuffing and what now?

@Silverx I have had the exact same "struggle" so far. Wanting to gain or at least be comfortable in my own body but also wanting to live up to the standards of society and especially my family's standards. My family has had a fued with food for as long as I can remember. Every conversation is in some way about food or someone's weight. It really destroyed me mentally into being unable to enjoy food, any food, that I put in my mouth. I just wanted every meal to be over with...

Maybe the thing that has helped me lately is realising that I don't have to pick one or the other. Sometimes I stuff myself silly and I masturbate thinking about how fat I could become by doing stuff like that and sometimes I really enjoy going to the gym and being more active. And in the meantime I've gained about 20 kg's unintentionally and I enjoy life so much more now. So do whatever feels good in that moment :-)
2 weeks