Fasting and yoyo - urge to give regain and how might it work?

Hey all, I'm curious if anyone out there has experienced what I am and how it might have gone or any advice.

I've been into this world for as long as I can remember, even as a kid I'd randomly stuff myself and lurk on fantasy feeder and reddit. I was always a skinny kid though and never actively gained, that is until I accidentally gained during COVID and college and was so into it. (From around 180 -> 225/230 at 6 feet) I never truly thought I was fat (I definitely had a belly and chubby face in retrospect) and still got off to the erotic idea of gaining weight. At one point I told myself if I could reach orgasm by just playing with my belly and feeling my fat that I would take the plunge and completely give in. Nevertheless, even though I got so so close and I never was able to. The thought never went away though

Fast forward a little bit and I ended up getting into a health kick, working out and trying to lose weight. I eventually started intermittent fasting and keeping up with exercise, I've been doing this for a long time now and got all the way back down to 190lbs and am pretty athletic again. The thing is, on weekends sometimes I won't follow the fasting diet and eat a ton, occasionally drink and/or get high and chow down. It could be in my head, but I swear when I do this I gain weight almost immediately and then lose it throughout the week of fasting again. Every time this happens even my shirt brushing against my belly or any fat I seem to have gained from the weekend sends me on a complete hypnosis where I can only think of gaining again. It usually ends on Monday when I wake up for work and start the cycle again but this time it's been different. I can't seem to kick the idea of gaining again and am constantly aroused.

I think my body may be primed to gain again, and I think I want to take that plunge.

For those of you who have yoyo'd or fasted and gained how can I do this? What is the best way to gain quickly while utilizing what might be an extremely slowed metabolism? I want to push myself hard and quickly so I don't have time to react and before I know it I've grown enough that the cycle doesn't start again and I live this dream.

I'd appreciate any and all advice, comments, anything.
2 months