General

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Angiefoodcake:
For the longest time I've struggled with social anxiety and maybe I am on the spectrum. Eventually I will have to conquer job interviews since I want to get out of my shitty fruit slave job!

Also, I want to try to make friends at my future job. Because I hardly talk to anyone at my current job. smiley But then again there is a language barrier problem. Welp... I should've studied Spanish courses on Duolingo.

It seems this mask prevents me from being successful. I haven't climbed up the seronity ladder due to poor social skills. Not a good excuse but childhood trauma still haunts me to this day. Bullies can fuck you up.

I do think I am slightly getting a little better. One time I had a conversation with my dad's childhood friend. It helps when I ask random questions.


I've learned the first step is simple, don't care what others may think about you. Why? How else will you find out who's worth making friends with? Lol

2nd be yourself. This is a tricky one because if you struggle to make friends due to being yourself, you may feel like this is bad advice. It's not. The goal of "be yourself" is simply to avoid making fake bonds. You don't want people to like you for the facade you put up. You want them to like your authentic self.

If you like more tips feel free to ask on the thread or a direct message.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

They are people just like us and they’ll treat you as people just like themselves. Theres nothing to fear in social interactions they are generally low risk endeavors. So what if you come off a bit eccentric it’s just who you are be you.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Angiefoodcake:
For the longest time I've struggled with social anxiety and maybe I am on the spectrum. Eventually I will have to conquer job interviews since I want to get out of my shitty fruit slave job!

Also, I want to try to make friends at my future job. Because I hardly talk to anyone at my current job. smiley But then again there is a language barrier problem. Welp... I should've studied Spanish courses on Duolingo.

It seems this mask prevents me from being successful. I haven't climbed up the seronity ladder due to poor social skills. Not a good excuse but childhood trauma still haunts me to this day. Bullies can fuck you up.

I do think I am slightly getting a little better. One time I had a conversation with my dad's childhood friend. It helps when I ask random questions.

M05Padding:
I've learned the first step is simple, don't care what others may think about you. Why? How else will you find out who's worth making friends with? Lol

2nd be yourself. This is a tricky one because if you struggle to make friends sue to being yourself, you may feel like this is bad advice. It's not. The goal of "be yourself" is simply to avoid making fake bonds. You don't want people to like you for the facade you put up. You want them to like your authentic self.

If you like more tips feel free to ask on the thread or a direct message.


I agree with this. Being yourself and avoiding the temptation of putting up a facade is the hardest but most important part of making friends!

Also, if you find it hard to start talking, small steps help a lot. I'm neurodivergent, so I had to do this, and it has helped a ton!
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

I'm going to add to an old post I made on a similar thread. I used to have terrible social anxiety, but I was able to get rid of most of it. In short, there's no big secret, it just takes a lot of practice. You'll need to have IRL conversations with people as often as possible (preferably daily), and your anxiety will slowly get less over time. Of course that means that you're going to have to push through those feelings and allow yourself to feel the fear in order to even get started. The best situation would be if you had people at work you can talk to, or if you live with family or roommates, that could also help to some extent. Here are some things that have worked for me:

- When you go shopping, you could try to make small talk with the cashier while you're being rung up. It's a short, low stakes interaction that will give you practice talking to people you don't already know.

- If you don't have friends you can easily hang out with, you can try looking for groups based on your interests that have a lot of members local to you, like board gaming groups. You can also try to make friends individually by messaging them on your social platform of choice.

- Don't hesitate to send the first message. If you understand that people enjoy having friends, then your conversation can't be an imposition. Easy conversation starters are to comment on something they posted, something in their profile, or really anything you have in common. Don't lead with something like "Hey" and wait for a response before initiating the actual conversation. A lot of people will leave you on read.

- It's better to bring up what you want from them sooner rather than later. The longer you make small talk and wait, the harder it'll become to finally cross that chasm. Plus, people generally want to know your intentions upfront anyway. Another benefit of putting your cards on the table is that it actually saves you from negative experiences. Worst case scenario is that they think you're weird and ghost you. So what? You've barely spoken to them, so they mean nothing to you. You've just saved yourself a lot of time that would be wasted trying to make awkward conversation in order to get their approval when ultimately they wouldn't have been interested anyway. There's also many other possible reasons someone might not respond to you. They may not be looking for certain kinds of connections. They could be having a bad day from work and want to be left alone. They could be asleep, and then your message gets buried in their inbox. It could have nothing to do with you at all.

- Try to tone down your filter. If you're mentally screening everything you say to make sure it's ok first, you will end up being slow to respond and stay quiet a lot. Speaking off the cuff can be hard at first, but you can actually practice when you're alone. Pick a topic and try voicing your thoughts out loud as you're thinking them, like a stream of consciousness. Once that feels natural, you can just do the same thing whenever there's an awkward silence in the conversation. It almost doesn't matter what you say. Saying something dumb or pointless can make you seem more interesting than if you just stayed quiet.

- Fake it til you make it. Pretend that the other person is already a close friend that you've been hanging out with for years. They won't know that you're roleplaying, and will usually try to match your energy. If you do become friends, those feelings will become genuine anyway, so you won't be faking it anymore. You're not trying to act like someone you're not, you're still being yourself, but just a version of yourself in a better headspace.

- Remember that being a "good listener" doesn't mean being passive in the conversation. Whenever they tell you something, you should try to relate it to your own experience or try to tell an anecdote or something. Try to avoid just asking one question after another, since that can feel like an interview. While people like talking about themselves, they like finding common ground even more.

- Eye contact used to be hard for me, but if you feel like you need to look away too much, you can just stare at their forehead instead. They can't actually tell the difference.

- Remember that none of this actually matters in the grand scheme of things. The world has almost 8 billion people scratching around in the dark, trying to make sense out of chaos, but nobody actually has it figured out any better than you do. There's no excuse for not pursuing the things that make you feel fulfilled.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Very well said my dude! 💯
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Malvineous:
I'm going to add to an old post I made on a similar thread. I used to have terrible social anxiety, but I was able to get rid of most of it. In short, there's no big secret, it just takes a lot of practice. You'll need to have IRL conversations with people as often as possible (preferably daily), and your anxiety will slowly get less over time. Of course that means that you're going to have to push through those feelings and allow yourself to feel the fear in order to even get started. The best situation would be if you had people at work you can talk to, or if you live with family or roommates, that could also help to some extent. Here are some things that have worked for me:

- When you go shopping, you could try to make small talk with the cashier while you're being rung up. It's a short, low stakes interaction that will give you practice talking to people you don't already know.

- If you don't have friends you can easily hang out with, you can try looking for groups based on your interests that have a lot of members local to you, like board gaming groups. You can also try to make friends individually by messaging them on your social platform of choice.

- Don't hesitate to send the first message. If you understand that people enjoy having friends, then your conversation can't be an imposition. Easy conversation starters are to comment on something they posted, something in their profile, or really anything you have in common. Don't lead with something like "Hey" and wait for a response before initiating the actual conversation. A lot of people will leave you on read.

- It's better to bring up what you want from them sooner rather than later. The longer you make small talk and wait, the harder it'll become to finally cross that chasm. Plus, people generally want to know your intentions upfront anyway. Another benefit of putting your cards on the table is that it actually saves you from negative experiences. Worst case scenario is that they think you're weird and ghost you. So what? You've barely spoken to them, so they mean nothing to you. You've just saved yourself a lot of time that would be wasted trying to make awkward conversation in order to get their approval when ultimately they wouldn't have been interested anyway. There's also many other possible reasons someone might not respond to you. They may not be looking for certain kinds of connections. They could be having a bad day from work and want to be left alone. They could be asleep, and then your message gets buried in their inbox. It could have nothing to do with you at all.

- Try to tone down your filter. If you're mentally screening everything you say to make sure it's ok first, you will end up being slow to respond and stay quiet a lot. Speaking off the cuff can be hard at first, but you can actually practice when you're alone. Pick a topic and try voicing your thoughts out loud as you're thinking them, like a stream of consciousness. Once that feels natural, you can just do the same thing whenever there's an awkward silence in the conversation. It almost doesn't matter what you say. Saying something dumb or pointless can make you seem more interesting than if you just stayed quiet.

- Fake it til you make it. Pretend that the other person is already a close friend that you've been hanging out with for years. They won't know that you're roleplaying, and will usually try to match your energy. If you do become friends, those feelings will become genuine anyway, so you won't be faking it anymore. You're not trying to act like someone you're not, you're still being yourself, but just a version of yourself in a better headspace.

- Remember that being a "good listener" doesn't mean being passive in the conversation. Whenever they tell you something, you should try to relate it to your own experience or try to tell an anecdote or something. Try to avoid just asking one question after another, since that can feel like an interview. While people like talking about themselves, they like finding common ground even more.

- Eye contact used to be hard for me, but if you feel like you need to look away too much, you can just stare at their forehead instead. They can't actually tell the difference.

- Remember that none of this actually matters in the grand scheme of things. The world has almost 8 billion people scratching around in the dark, trying to make sense out of chaos, but nobody actually has it figured out any better than you do. There's no excuse for not pursuing the things that make you feel fulfilled.



Excellent post. Very well thought out and expressed. Hopefully it will inspire a lot of people on here to persevere with social interactions.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Thanks, guys. I just hope it will help OP, and anyone else who's struggling.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Malvineous:
Thanks, guys. I just hope it will help OP, and anyone else who's struggling.

Angiefoodcake:
Hi Malvineous! I appreciated your detailed advice and others' too. I was a little social the past few days. Speaking sentences instead of a few words. It's going to be hard but I rather screw up than be stuck depressed/lonely. Sometimes we gotta get out of our comfort zone.


Nice, that's good to hear. It can be really hard being that vulnerable, but the end result is so, so worth it. Just keep making those baby steps and you'll get there in time.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Malvineous:
Thanks, guys. I just hope it will help OP, and anyone else who's struggling.

Angiefoodcake:
Hi Malvineous! I appreciated your detailed advice and others' too. I was a little social the past few days. Speaking sentences instead of a few words. It's going to be hard but I rather screw up than be stuck depressed/lonely. Sometimes we gotta get out of our comfort zone.

Malvineous:
Nice, that's good to hear. It can be really hard being that vulnerable, but the end result is so, so worth it. Just keep making those baby steps and you'll get there in time.


I second all of this. I'm autistic, and I've had depression before. I also have PTSD. As much as I love chatting, it used to be terrifying for me.

I realized that most people don't mind if you're different. Some will even find it endearing. Not everyone will be your friend, but people will be cordial.

And if you are brave enough to be yourself, you'll attract the people who want to be your friend.
1 month

How do you guys improve your social skills?

Throw parties!

That might sound impossible at this point, but it isn't. Start small, maybe with people as socially challenged as you are.

You will find that nearly all the steps involved in planning and execution of a party will exercise and develop your social skills.
1 month
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