General

Rambling. feel free to comment or share

Real story except for the names and locations, which are fake for privacy reasons. I am half sharing to get it off my chest and half because I suspect someone may have advice or something. Feel free to comment, but don’t feel obligated to read, this is a long, ranting story.


My name is (not actually) Ron and this is my story.

I have a long time girlfriend (let’s just say her name is) Tiffany.

Tif and I met in college, she was a bit on the chubby side, maybe on the border between chubby and fat. Maybe my standards are absurd, I’ll just say she was 275lbs at 5’6” give or take. She has a large chest and a small butt, her stomach sticks out and she hates it, but I think it’s cute I love all of her curves and edges, all her perfect imperfections. The cheesy dong lyrics weren’t wrong.

Over the course of the next decade we stuck together, but never married. She wanted us to both be stable and have jobs first, and I was going to become a lawyer. I did so successfully, but couldn’t get a job for a year, then lost that one after six months, it took two years got me to get a new one, then I lost that due to the pandemic (immigration firm during the Covid pandemic, border closings did them in.) Then I started having vision problems that gimped my ability to drive or read for extended periods of time. I can usually read and write well enough if I can close my eyes for a minute here and there, so I can write for fun just fine. I am currently applying for disability, but it skiws me down to the point that no firm would take me.

Sorry for rambling, but that’s why we haven’t married.

I have looked at weight gaining stuff online since I was 15 or so, so over half of my life now.. Hentai and written stories exclusively, I never looked at the real thing, and Tiffany said she didn’t mind me using “materials” to masturbate with, though she didn’t want me looking at other women.

So Deviantart, writing.com, 4chan (D mostly), and e-hentai became my go to sources for lewd stuff. By the time I was twenty years old, I added Fantasy Feeder to that list when I hit about thirty.

I used to have an extremely high libido, hell, I kind of do still now. I want to go two or three times a day, and used to try to simulate that myself in private about that often. But with the MS I have developed pretty bad ED, all the weight gain and FA stuff went from being a fun little hobby for a horndog like me, to being the only way I could get off most of the time. I am almost completely numb in a place I’d bet you can guess, I feel nothing physically until moments before orgasm, it makes things difficult without intense mental stimulation, hence the horny writing. I’m down from doing things multiple times a day to three or four times a week, but I still want to terribly badly, I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure Tiffany hates my little kink, or is disgusted by it, or something like that. When I confront her Tiffany flatly denies that, but I still wonder. She flatly refuses to do anything even remotely related to my kinks. I have tried asking her about what she liked, with the hope that maybe we could trade perverted fantasies, but she insists that she is 100% vanilla, so that’s a bust. Since I told her about this Tiffany’s sex drive has plummeted, she went from wanting to do things two or three times a week, to three or four times a year. I have no idea how much of this is from age (as she says), how much is from disgust with my fantasies, and how much is her being less attracted to me in general. If it’s that last one then part of me wants to be angry, but no, I love her. The part that causes me the most turmoil is that, if it’s disgust and/or lack of attraction, I get it. I went from a confident, strong willed young man, to a self hating and self doubting lover reliant on the kindness of others to continue my miserable existence.

Lately it has been getting harder and harder (or not, let’s say more difficult) I get excited without indulging in kinky stuff like this site. I don’t know if that’s because of physical illness, or because I’ve become more and more reliant on it to the point that I have developed an obsession to the point that I l subconsciously think gaining weight = getting off and vise versa.

I am mentally horny almost constantly, which makes the physical limitations all the more frustrating.

Despite her staunch refusal to play into my desires in reality Tiffany has been nothing but supportive of my hobbies revolving around said desires. She knows I write here, and even supports me trying to make a living off of it.

So, that’s where I am now. Writing smut constantly, and trying to understand and make peace with who and what I am.
1 month

Rambling. feel free to comment or share

Moocao:
Real story except for the names and locations, which are fake for privacy reasons. I am half sharing to get it off my chest and half because I suspect someone may have advice or something. Feel free to comment, but don’t feel obligated to read, this is a long, ranting story.


My name is (not actually) Ron and this is my story.

I have a long time girlfriend (let’s just say her name is) Tiffany.

Tif and I met in college, she was a bit on the chubby side, maybe on the border between chubby and fat. Maybe my standards are absurd, I’ll just say she was 275lbs at 5’6” give or take. She has a large chest and a small butt, her stomach sticks out and she hates it, but I think it’s cute I love all of her curves and edges, all her perfect imperfections. The cheesy dong lyrics weren’t wrong.

Over the course of the next decade we stuck together, but never married. She wanted us to both be stable and have jobs first, and I was going to become a lawyer. I did so successfully, but couldn’t get a job for a year, then lost that one after six months, it took two years got me to get a new one, then I lost that due to the pandemic (immigration firm during the Covid pandemic, border closings did them in.) Then I started having vision problems that gimped my ability to drive or read for extended periods of time. I can usually read and write well enough if I can close my eyes for a minute here and there, so I can write for fun just fine. I am currently applying for disability, but it skiws me down to the point that no firm would take me.

Sorry for rambling, but that’s why we haven’t married.

I have looked at weight gaining stuff online since I was 15 or so, so over half of my life now.. Hentai and written stories exclusively, I never looked at the real thing, and Tiffany said she didn’t mind me using “materials” to masturbate with, though she didn’t want me looking at other women.

So Deviantart, writing.com, 4chan (D mostly), and e-hentai became my go to sources for lewd stuff. By the time I was twenty years old, I added Fantasy Feeder to that list when I hit about thirty.

I used to have an extremely high libido, hell, I kind of do still now. I want to go two or three times a day, and used to try to simulate that myself in private about that often. But with the MS I have developed pretty bad ED, all the weight gain and FA stuff went from being a fun little hobby for a horndog like me, to being the only way I could get off most of the time. I am almost completely numb in a place I’d bet you can guess, I feel nothing physically until moments before orgasm, it makes things difficult without intense mental stimulation, hence the horny writing. I’m down from doing things multiple times a day to three or four times a week, but I still want to terribly badly, I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure Tiffany hates my little kink, or is disgusted by it, or something like that. When I confront her Tiffany flatly denies that, but I still wonder. She flatly refuses to do anything even remotely related to my kinks. I have tried asking her about what she liked, with the hope that maybe we could trade perverted fantasies, but she insists that she is 100% vanilla, so that’s a bust. Since I told her about this Tiffany’s sex drive has plummeted, she went from wanting to do things two or three times a week, to three or four times a year. I have no idea how much of this is from age (as she says), how much is from disgust with my fantasies, and how much is her being less attracted to me in general. If it’s that last one then part of me wants to be angry, but no, I love her. The part that causes me the most turmoil is that, if it’s disgust and/or lack of attraction, I get it. I went from a confident, strong willed young man, to a self hating and self doubting lover reliant on the kindness of others to continue my miserable existence.

Lately it has been getting harder and harder (or not, let’s say more difficult) I get excited without indulging in kinky stuff like this site. I don’t know if that’s because of physical illness, or because I’ve become more and more reliant on it to the point that I have developed an obsession to the point that I l subconsciously think gaining weight = getting off and vise versa.

I am mentally horny almost constantly, which makes the physical limitations all the more frustrating.

Despite her staunch refusal to play into my desires in reality Tiffany has been nothing but supportive of my hobbies revolving around said desires. She knows I write here, and even supports me trying to make a living off of it.

So, that’s where I am now. Writing smut constantly, and trying to understand and make peace with who and what I am.


Question. Are you in therapy?
1 month

Rambling. feel free to comment or share

Yes, and yeah, I know I shouldn't say self depreciating things
1 month

Rambling. feel free to comment or share

Moocao:
Yes, and yeah, I know I shouldn't say self depreciating things


Have you talked about this with your therapist?
1 month