He might be only interested in 'getting off' with his gaining fetish. But....it could also be a combination of long-distance relationship and a classic 'Mars-Venus' type of mis-match.
A couple of stereotypes that probably have some relevence (not saying they are entirely true of anyone or true at all of any particular person, but general trends):
- Men's thoughts tend to be a rail-road....a lot can move down it at once, but only one thing, going one way. Women's thoughts tend to be more of a multi-lane highway, with a lot of different thoughts all going along at different speeds in different ways.
- "Men will get into a relationship in order to get sex, women will have sex to get into a relationship....then love can take over and change everything around."
- Men's friends are the people they do things with, who they may eventually open up to emotionally. Women's friends are the people they open up to emotionally, who they may eventually start doing things with.
From the last point: The 'thing' that first pulled you together is mutual interest in weight gain, for him it is probably normal that is the main thrust of what you 'do' together (you can only talk about it, but it is an experience you can both share). Over time as trust and intimacy grows he might expect that you'll branch into other areas.
From the middle point: the 'sex' at this point is erotic weight gain, even if not actual sex. This goes along with the previous one, he may expect/accept that over time things will turn into more of a relationship, but what he wants first and foremost sounds like the sex part.
From the first stereotype: a lot of the rest of the day he is probably thinking about other things--he pretty much has to think about other things a lot of the time. And he probably looks forward to that time when he can indulge in the thoughts that he really enjoys, and focus on them, and to him it probably makes no sense to make the whole freight train of sensual feelings pull over onto a siding to let some other thought run down the tracks....maybe once the train has made it to its destination he wouldn't mind, but until then it is probably irritating.
And note, in a LDR there is a lot less opportunity to get beyond the first one or two things at the head of your mental priority list. You don't have that opportunity to bitch about your co-worker while in line at the grocery store, or whatever. Even the horniest guys will have times of thinking of other things in a day....but at the moment you are not getting those parts of his day.
If you look at your first post and replace all weight gain references to simple sex references, you get something you'd see in a lot of advice columns, I think. It is a pretty classic situation, dressed up in a fat suit. The classic answer is to make him 'earn' the sex part by showing he can do all the other things required in life, and in the process let you decide if there is enough to him to hold your interest. The problem, of course, is that once he's had it easy, able to dive right into what interests him, he is less apt to be willing to be patient on that front.
Still, I think your best bet is to be pretty up front, and say that you are getting bored. That for you weight gain is a spice, not the main course of life--and you are getting bored of the taste of pepper all the time. Then give him a map of how you'd like things to be done....like you'd love to be able to talk about your days, with maybe just a couple of weight-based flirts thrown in, or whatever.
Cut off from an easy source of weight gain stimulation, he may fade away....or he might get his act together and become a whole lot more interesting.
Good luck!
14 years
