General

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted here in years, but recently I’ve found myself in a dilemma and hoped that I could get some of your sage advice. For the last 4 years, I’ve been going out with a beautiful SSBBW woman, and it’s been a pretty good relationship for the most part, but recently things have taken a turn for the worse for several reasons. One of which is that a few months ago, she decided that she wants to lose a lot of weight for her health. She’s lost at least 70 pounds so far, and there’s no sign of slowing down soon. Needless to say, I’m pretty disappointed with this turn of events. At first, I tried gently talking her out of it, but she couldn’t see my viewpoint, and we just ended up getting into a fight. I realized that she is dead set on it, and I later tried asking her to at least not discuss the details of it or update me on her progress. However, she says that I’m being unsupportive, and we just ended up in another fight.

Since then, my lips have been tightly sealed on the subject, but I can’t help but feel frustrated. Every time I get reminded of her weight loss efforts, which is often, I start feeling a little angry or depressed. Still, there’s a nagging voice in the back of my mind that thinks that I’m being a bad boyfriend if I’m not completely and openly supportive of her. Even so, it’s not enough to make me feel any less bitter about it. I try to SAY supportive things when she brings up the topic, but it usually comes off sounding pretty forced, and I’m sure she can tell. Is it wrong to feel this kind of resentment? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Let me know.

*thumbs up*

The thing is, I’m actually really glad that she’s feeling better. Her health has really turned around, and I’m happy for her. It’s still difficult to get over the weight loss aspect of that though, especially when she calls me up all excited that she’s just had a really strenuous workout, or when she tells me how much she’s just lost. Not to mention the fact when she’s made such a drastic and permanent change in lifestyle, it can’t help but affect the whole dynamic of our relationship, even beyond purely physical ways. Aside from all of that, I have the feeling that if her weight were the only thing to change lately, I’d be feeling a lot better about it, and would never have needed to post this thread. Still, if all I can do to feel better is to change my own attitude, I’ll try to do that (although I have no idea how). I still love her, and there’s no way I’m going to leave her over something this shallow.

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with everyone here.

Dieters are the most boring people in the world. They have to discuss every little thing they eat, don't eat, could have eaten, etc. She does not have to bring this up constantly when she knows you are against it. She is not being supportive of you either.

Also, doctors are just as fat phobic as everyone else. Losing weight is not healthy. Since most people regain more than what they weighed, encouraging patients to start the yoyo dieting and roller coaster ride where usually the person weighs more in the is NOT healthy. There are no diseases that only fat people get, so there is no guarantee that even if she lost weight, she would solve any medical problems. If she has any issues they should be addressed by treatment, not a diet.

In any case, no matter who is right and wrong, I think you two can never be happy together right now. I would find someone else. By the time that is ready to end, chances are your current girlfriend will be bigger than she ever was. And maybe realize that dieting is useless.

Her body, let her be happy with it. If you can't deal with it, find someone else. Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe she won't...either way, try to both be happy.

Yes, because one guy's boner is more deserving of support than the health of someone he loves.





I'm a feeder, but surely you can't be serious about this one. The fact that the OP noted that her health has improved since she's lost weight kind of disproves your statement here.



Agreed on the yo-yo dieting and such; but she's lost 70 pounds and seems to be intent on losing more. This isn't following some 30-pound fad diet- from what the OP is saying, she's changing her lifestyle. That sort of change keeps the weight off better than just cutting down on carbs or whatever.



There might not be many ailments exclusive to fat people, but being fat can put someone at a higher risk of health issues and serious complications.



And with this you've just shown again that you're a douche. I would sincerely hope that a guy wouldn't get picked up again by a woman he dumped just because she wasn't fat enough.

I don’t think I have been rude in the way I have acted with her. Keep in mind that after the first week or so of her weight loss, everything I have been thinking or feeling about this has been completely internalized. Since that time, everything I have been saying to her about it has been supportive. The only thing that gives away my real feelings about it has been my body language, which I have tried to suppress, but without much success.

Originally when I tried talking her out of it, I had done so only by suggesting that there were other ways to stay healthy besides going on a rigorous weight loss regimen, such as eating healthy home cooked meals with vegetables and getting some mild exersize, and that missing those pieces was probably more to blame for her health than her weight. Was this an incorrect statement? When I asked her not to talk to me about it, I tried to be as polite as possible, telling her that I am supportive of her health and love her, but would feel much better if she didn’t tell me about her progress or weight loss methods. Is that such an unacceptable request? Apparently so, because she refused to grant it.

For the vast majority of our relationship, I have been sensitive to her, and have carefully chosen every word so that it wouldn’t hurt her feelings. If she does or says anything that upsets me, my favorite method of dealing with it has been to rationalize it or ignore it completely, unless it's a very important issue. The problem here is that I’ve been doing that for months, and I still don’t feel any better about this. I posted this here because this site is literally the only place I can go for some advice where there was a chance that people could see my viewpoint. I’m not asking for advice to leave her or make her stop, because neither of those things is going to happen. I just thought that I may have been missing something that could improve the dynamic here, or even just give me some peace of mind.

Damn, at least make an effort to read my second post in this thread before passing judgment on my character.

What I am referring to in my post is HAES, which stands for Health At Every Size. Some people in the medical community are finding out that losing weight does not help many conditions, and that the focus should be the medical problems, and not the weight. As I said, most people who lose weight regain it back plus more. This is not healthy, and usually makes the patients overall health worse. Google it, and read it on Wikipedia. I can guarantee you that the purpose of HAES is NOT, as one person put it, to give FA's boners.

Despite what I am about to say, this is pure gold.

Anyways, back to mod mode, the OP asked for opinions, so its fine to give them, but there is a fine line between stating how you feel and attacking a fellow member of this site. So everyone please, while feeling free to express your thoughts, be civil about it? Otheriwse we all know what happens next.

Max

While I looooove big girls, i know that if I really love one, it won't matter if they are 200lbs or 400lbs......I was with someone who found this site and decided to put on 75lbs....she hated herself and no matter how sexy I found it, I couldn't get past her hatred for it......The relationship ended for a totally different reason but, I was happy when she got back to a weight that was still BBW...but also good for her.....