Gaining

Years ago, back when I was skinny, I thought of weight control as a means toward health. I kept this idea in my head even though despite my low body fat, my blood chemistry indicated that I had a problem. Yes, it's possible to have <5 percent body fat and at the same time cholesterol of 250+.

Then I hit 30, my metabolism slowed down and I found myself 50 pounds heavier, then 75, then 100. Suddenly, I was fat. Not just "big all over fat", but 40+ waistline big ball-belly fat. And despite all my attempts to lose weight, I *stayed* fat. My cholesterol was now over 300 and other metrics (blood sugar, etc.) were also alarming. Clearly I needed help.

Ironically, it was a doctor who put my on the road the better health, and at the same time, helped me get over my obsession with weight.

The biggest challenge was getting over my obsession with fat. Fat in my food, and fat on my body. Fat, particularly unsaturated fat from foods like fish, does *not* make you fat. For many people like myself, eating more fat is essential for healthful blood chemistry.

When my doctor told me "your diet is terrible -- you need to eat much more fat!" I could hardly believe it. Initially, I refused to listen. Embracing fat in my diet couldn't possibly work, could it?

Well, actually it could and did. After dramatically increasing the amount of fat in my diet, and starting an exercise program, I felt better and my blood chemistry started to improve. Within 6 months, my blood chemistry was better than it been when I was 100 pounds lighter.

However, even though I felt better, and my blood tests showed that I had gotten healthier, I hadn't lost much weight. My mind rebelled against this -- how could be healthier than when I was skinny, but still weigh so much?

It took me a long time to come to terms with the reality of fat, and health. As strange as it might seem, FF (and all of you) have been part of the journey. Accepting my fat has been an essential step toward focusing on what really matters (health).

Have others struggled with this?

I'm glad to see Fantasy Feeder has had such a positive impact on your life.

You are most deffinetly not alone, I know I have become much more comfortable with who I am and my own sexuality by being here, It is things like this which make me love this site so much and really prove to all the haters and trolls that we are so much more then "a fetish site".

Specifically, fat high in Omega 3 and 6, such as fish (e.g. salmon) are ok; "trans fats" are not. Food high in Omega 3 & 6 improves HDL (the good cholesterol), and also takes longer to metabolize than carbs. Since gaining 100 pounds, my belly (and capacity) are a lot larger, and I hate that uncomfortable "hungry" feeling. By eating the right fats as well as well as lots of veggies, I can fill up and still stay healthy.

I've also had to cut down on refined white stuff, like sugar and white flour. This (and my lack of muscle mass) was really the culprit in my deteriorating blood chemistry, not fat or weight. While my current body fat percentage is still way higher than when I was skinny, I also have 25+ pounds more muscle mass.

While I do keep a food diary (to keep track of the carb/fat/protein ratios and what foods make me feel good/bad), and regularly check my blood chemistry, I don't count calories or weigh myself regularly.

"I can't come to terms that I'm skinny. But I don't want to gain any weight. And I don't want to be in the middle. And I don't want to lose weight either. So I don't know how I'm going to resolve that part."

How about not worrying about your weight at all? Even if you want to maintain an olympic level of fitness, weight is a bogus metric.

Witness, for example, the discussion over whether Olympian Lindsey Vonn is "fat":
www.skibunny.co.uk/2010/01/fat-lindsey-vonn-does-her-talking-on-the-hill.html

Fortunately, in addition to being a world-class skier and beauty, she's also got a head on her shoulders so she doesn't pay it any mind.

If you want to be stronger, or quicker, or healthier, or better at a sport, find some valid metrics and work on them. Don't worry if you're "skinny", "moderate" or "fat" in someone else's opinion.

For example, I have a goal of improving my balance (e.g. being able to do step-ups without falling over), addressing hip, ankle and back pain through targeted exercises, improving my blood chemistry and continuing to make progress on upper and lower body strengthening, so that I'm less tired at the end of a long day. Results on these metrics have a lot to do with nutrition and the efficiency and intensity of training and very little to do with weight.