General

Really often, we talk about how unpleasant some of the men here can be. Since I've been moderating the dating ad section, I've read some of the most charming, funny, enticing, smart ads imaginable, and I'm very impressed with the proportions of different attitudes in them.

I haven't counted--though I may, one of these days--but it seems quite clear to me that a very high proportion of men say something like 'personality first'. Or 'I don't know my ideal woman because I haven't met her yet'. This feels like a big improvement over what I might have imagined, which would have been 'I want a girl [not a woman, of course] with a huge, hanging belly'. There are those, and it's honest enough, but it's nice to see so many people not making that a first priority.

The other wonderful thing I see a lot of in the ads is guys wanting their ideal match to be smart, funny, engaged in arts/culture. In a world where smart women still can feel at a disadvantage in the dating scene, this is very welcome indeed.

So thanks, FF guys. You take a lot of heat for the vile among you, but this post is about thanking the significant numbers of you who have awfully cool priorities.

One reason there seems to be so many creeps, is because they flitter around over and over again like butterflies, and tend to annoy every woman because they keep looking for someone who will aceept their creepyness.

The good ones will zero in on women who interest them, and then stay for a while. So they may not contact as many women.

Yep. Glad it seems that way to you, too.

And guys? Relax just a bit? There are some people, me included, who, while enjoying the occasional rant about the creeps, have always known that the good ones are here and in the mix. You think you got a worse rap than you did. The point of the thread was to encourage some of the people who know better to speak up, but they haven't yet. I know you're out there... *points chubby finger in your direction*

*blinks rapidly and looks around in paranoid fashion, giving the distinct impression of "Deer in the Headlights"*

yay were getting noticed! bout time lol

Yeah, that IS really, really creepy. But it doesn't set the tone of the whole site, though in years past it had a real effect on the overall vibe. But my sense is that's no longer the case.

I think people have to realize that people are here for different reasons. And it's good that people who want sex place sex ads. Because if a woman is looking for a relationship, they can rule out the men who place sex ads. If a man only wants a certain size or shape belly, then he probably is not looking for a friendly compassionate woman. So, if a woman is friendly and compassionate, those traits would be wasted.

If someone who is a "douchebag" places a "douchebag" ad, then be glad. When the "douchebags" start placing nice ads, then it is time to worry.

And I can't understand women who leave this site because some of the men are "douchebags." How many men do you want? You only need one good one.

No Radeladie FAs Chubbylovely? I'm sure they are out there!

My own guess is that in both directions, people would be shocked by our gender cohort. I've heard stories from men about women's behaviour that makes my toes curl, and some of the things men say to me seem like they must be a parody of bad behaviour.

And if anyone reads the forums for a while, there are absolutely regular rants in both directions. What might be really useful is for both 'sides' to occasionally start a thread with examples. It might be instructive for people who are doing it badly and would rather learn something.