General

physical attraction is always a factor in a relationship but personality and intelligence also come into it. I think you are right in saying that FAs can be as shallow as the average person but i also think it is just human nature.
So i dont think you should be so down on yourself. People make mistakes and not all relationships turn out as wanted. its a learning experience to make you a better person.

I think everyone, fat-fetishist or not, has problems reconciling their sexual, physical, social, intellectual needs. It is almost impossible to find one person who will fulfill all those desires.

That's why love is so great. If you love someone you don't care about any imperfections.

If you're not in love, you make do. I've never been good at that, but a lot of people do manage.

When you're young and don't really know yourself that well, it's easy to screw it up and dump a truly wonderful person for someone who is superficially attractive.

All you can do is cut yourself some slack and try to do better in the future.