Gaining

Like right now I'm at my biggest ever.

When I had uni; I'd be walking there, back and all around. Though now while I'm waiting for it to start up again (and admittingly ridiculous snacking -which I continue to blame this site for), so nothing gets worked off.

My jeans just feel so tight around the middle. I thought it was just my belt, but then even after undoing it nothing changes until I just undo the jeans.

And then my mums been bringing it up more; which although it comes from a nice place, I could do without.

...just my general thoughts

Oh Julesy.

Firstly, I can tell from the way you describe it that you kinda really like getting bigger...

I think I recognise how you feel though. It's a tug-of-war* between loving getting fatter/being a bit scared of how fat you're getting/being embarrassed that other people notice/loving that people notice/being a bit turned on by it/being a bit disgusted with yourself & ashamed by it... and to add another confusing layer, you didn't even mean to put on weight, it just sorta happened... or did it? It's not like you didn't know what would happen if you put that cake (or, let's be honest, a dozen cakes) in your mouth, is it? But it tasted so goooood...

If so, it's just like how I feel. So two things: 1. you're not alone, but 2. I don't have a solution! Mwahaha! Just enjoy it. For me, half the enjoyment comes from the delicious conflict anyway. Yay for conflict, it makes everything so much more multi-faceted.

PS. can you still squeeze into the red trousers or not?

* first time I typed that, I put "tub-of-war"...

I realise that is totally unconstructive, sorry. Ha.

lol yeah - that is sounding quite familiar, to be honest



I guess we'll see come the 23rd