General

Pretty much ditto on what Sammii said, but I want to add something from a guy point of view.

Of course you get rated based on your girlfriend, guys always have that jostling to be at the front of the pack and who you are with can be one of things that people keep score on. Stating the obvious here, right?

BUT it isn’t just looks, you know. That is the obvious one, and the one people might talk about most. But for all that we like to keep up a tough front and not talk about feelings, how happy you are counts too. If you suddenly start dating a SSBBW you know you are going to catch some grief from other guys, but really all that they are doing is probing for weak spots. If you look ashamed, if you apologize for her size, if you are all “well, I hadn’t had any action in a while so I was getting desperate” then for sure you are going down in flames.

On the other hand, if you treat dating her like the best thing since beer, it is a whole other story. “Dude, what the hell, she’s HUGE!” “I know, she’d break you, but some of us aren’t so fragile.” “No, dude, seriously, what are you thinking?” “That I’m the cat that ate the cream, the lucky ass who tripped and fell in a pot of gold, and that my friends aren’t stupid enough to diss my ***ing awesome girlfriend—that’s what I’m thinking.”

And once that is out of the way you never, ever, use her size as an excuse not to do something. Never “Sorry, would love to go see the movie but my girlfriend doesn’t fit into the seats.” Never-ever-ever. Instead it is “Yah, movie sounds great, when I’ve got some time I’ll catch it on DVD or something, but I’ve got plans with my girl on Friday” (and if necessary “What plans? Bro’ I am NOT spelling it out for you, but I’m setting the evening aside for it, catch my drift?”)

Basically as far as you communicate to anyone else she is smart, fun, you are thrilled to be with her, you are in love with her (including her body), she’s a goddess in bed (and everywhere else), you see NOTHING to apologize for about her (aside from some small thing unrelated to her weight—“OK, I admit, some of the music on her MP3 player almost made me run when I first saw her play list, but I’m glad I got past that.”), and any of your friends should be lucky to ever end up with someone half so great.

After that, your friends could believe you are insane or not, but in the end they accept you and her and move on—after which she falls under the usual rules for friends girlfriends and is somewhat protected—or they decide that your happiness is so offensive that they want to cause serious drama, which is unlikely unless they have so many problems that you have to ask yourself why you are hanging around with them.

And further, the fact that you are telling the world that she is simply amazing gives you at least some points for having a girlfriend who makes you that happy (and if you are reasonably young most guys will assume that this means she’s screwing you sexless relentlessly, because why else would you be THAT happy), and some more for have the big freaking balls to date someone different and make it work.

And for what it is worth, my wife is only a BBW, not an SSBBW, but a few of my friends are seriously into skinny things, and I could probably count the number of cracks about her size that I’ve heard from them over two decades on one hand. At that, all but one of those were when we were all taking the mickey out of each other so they were acceptable in context, they just confirmed that they still didn’t see the attraction in someone her size. And yah, I’m fat now, because I want to be, but back when my group of friends got to know each other I was playing hockey and soccer, running cross country and racing cross-country skiing. They had no idea I liked big girls until I showed up with this one with the wide hips, who kept getting bigger for the next half dozen years.

Look, if you're too cowardly to date a fat women because people will think you like fat women, I'm very sorry for you. I hope you get past that.

But to say you won't date a fat woman because the media would be hard on HER is ridiculous. You should leave that up to the woman. There may be fat women who don't want to date famous people but there are many who would be happy to. You should leave it up to the woman.

Besides, I don't know if helping others is important to you, but consider this: If more celebrities DID date (or marry, or whatever) fat people it would help the entire fat/fa community by making it more acceptable. It would make it easier for others (celebrities and non-celebrities) to be honest about their attractions.

I say go for it!

It IS a secret that I'm "Dr. Feeder". Make of that what you will. But I've never been afraid to date fat women.

And as to whether a fat woman would be "shredded apart" for dating a celebrity...I don't know. Maybe I'm naive, but what are they going to say? "You're too fat to date a famous athlete?"

I'm curious what the women here think about that. What say you?

Okay, if a celebrity dates a fat woman, jerks will say mean things. I can't deny it. Just google "Pierce Brosnan fat wife".

However:

1. Note that just as many people say positive things about them as mean stuff.

2. Note that if you're a celebrity (or in a relationship with one and a celebrity yourself by extension) people will say mean things about you anyway.

3. Note that if you're fat people will likely say mean things anyway (albeit not in the media).

4. Note that Pierce and his wife are still together and seem to be doing fine.

Certainly some women would probably rather opt out of such a relationship for fear of what mean jerks would say. And that's fine.

But I think there are other women who don't want to restrict their lives because they're afraid of what a few idiots might say and would welcome the opportunity to defy society and live the life they want.

I gotta add my two cents to the OP and the pro-sports guy (further down). I went through the same kind of inner battle at first... afraid of what other people would think, how'd I'd be viewed, what would my friends and family think, etc etc etc. I finally concluded four things:

A) I have every right to seek out and find what I enjoy. The same as everyone else. My preferences are just as valid and important as every other person's and so are yours

If we all collectively hide it, the stereotypes will never change. The only way to improve the future is to stand tall and honor yourself and what you like. Don't be ashamed of it.

C) Those that are close to you and genuinely care about you, aren't going to care or ridicule you for it. They may be surprised at first and have questions. They may be curious. Expect the questions and realize they are just curious and not a putdown.

D) It's all a matter of how you present it. I'm sure you've heard the saying "He could sell and air conditioner to an Eskimo" - it's all a matter of how you present it. For example, I never say "I love fat girls" to the outside world. Fat has such a negative connotation that I pretty much avoid the word altogether. What I'll say is something like "I know as guys we're all expected (or taught) to like skinny girls but I've just never found it attractive. I like girls that I can rough house with and not be afraid of breaking" or "I prefer the curves and softness of a little bit bigger girl" or "I'm like my girls like I like my steak: Thick and juicy" - especially if said with a grin and slight chuckle, people respond positively to that. I was very surprised at the response I got from other others. ESPECIALLY girls. Even skinny ones were enthusiastically grateful to know that such a guy actually exists. I had guys, that were previously ragging on fat girls amongst a group of guys, come up to me later after finding out I prefer bigger girls, and talk to me about it saying things like "I'm glad you mentioned that, I thought I was the only one". One guy told me "You've seen my wife. That's no accident" as he gave a little grin and walked away.

The key is, as others have said, is to be confident about it. If you're insecure, and apologetic and ashamed of it, then people will feel like you're doing something wrong or you're "weird". If you're confident and 'own' it and you embrace it, then people will go "Oh, that's different but to each their own" or "We all have our thing, that's his" or "Not for me, but more power to you". I'm sure you get the drift. I can speak from experience on that. I am so happy and grateful with myself for deciding to express my preferences when opportunities arose instead of hiding them with embarrassment. I have literally had a positive impact on many people over the last few years.

You mentioned and anxiety issue. I can't help you much there. That's a different issue altogether. I imagine there are books and other material that might be helpful in resolving that within yourself. I do believe one way of approaching that might be to start small and with someone insignificant in your life. A casual coworker that you rarely see, or a classmate, if at school, that you only share one class with or whatever. You don't have to pour your heart out, but start real small. If he points out a skinny girl and says "Man, look at her!" You can say something like "Yeah, she's got a cute face but kinda skinny for my taste. I do love long hair on a girl though." Conversations like that.... very minor and insignificant with someone irrelevant and unimportant to your life. If you feel like they 'reject you' then it's no big loss. I would encourage you to think about it and try it out. Little baby steps, one at a time. You'll probably be surprised just how often you *don't* get a bad response

To the pro-sports guy: You're social status puts you in a position of, at least some, influence and power. Not that you're obligated to, but if you were to openly date a larger girl that you really liked and loved and who was okay with the media attention, even if negative, you could be a positive inspiration to many and be one more crack in the crumbling stereotype. A great example to others. Again, it's your choice obviously but just like has been mentioned both by me and by others, if you're confident and have a good relationship and people see you two together as a happy couple, the public at large will respect that and be happy for you two, even if a little critical at first. It's the end game that matters, not the opening play

I have learned to be a proud FA,in spite of the setbacks that have been thrown at me and also self inflicted in the previous decade.
I messed up the last relationship but two,big style,but didn't make the same mistakes the next time round,it just fizzled out as the spark of love wasn't really there for either of us,however I showed her that I had pride in being seen with a larger woman.