General

"YO BBY U DRESSED 4 SUCCESS, SHOW ME DAT BUSINESS DEGREE."

Best post in the thread there.

This may be considered an "adult"site but we still expect people to present themselves with a fair amount of respect & civility.That's the reason you TALK to the ladies & get to know more about them than just message them saying you want to screw their brains out!(As I'm sure some trolls have in 1 choice of words or another.)People may find they get a lot farther when they treat the ladies with respect.

Hard to answer that question without seeming superficial and/or a douche, as it's giving a general answer to something that is very person-specific. There is no one right way to approach someone, especially with messages and comments where inflection, tone and subtext are all largely vacant.

Before writing, you have to make a judgement call based on the person's profile, pics and recent post history. It sounds stalkery, but the more you know about the person going in the better. Try and find common interests so you can have an actual conversation instead of just small talk. Look at their pics and try to determine what their best quality is and what they are insecure about, so you can compliment them without seeming insincere--which you shouldn't be, anyway, but as mentioned it's hard to get that across through text. Look for clues about how receptive they'll be to sex/feederism talk before bringing it up; some women flatly don't want to discuss it at all right away, others will enjoy a bit of teasing and some will even ignore you if you *don't* talk about it at all.

Getting someone to open the door is one thing, it's getting them to let you inside that's the difficult part. You could use a pickup line and get a reply or two, but you need something to follow it up with as well. And sometimes you can forget all of this and just say whatever's on your mind, or your lower-half's mind. No two women are the same.

You're taking the argument down a wrong direction. The argument was related to “creepy men” not rapists.

The comments you are referring to deal with the creation of attention. If you are actively or passively doing something to create attention, you have to recognize there will be outcomes regardless. If I walk around the mall in my underwear or in a swimsuit, it will generate attention, same goes for a woman engaging in the same behavior. While we may feel justified to walk and dress a certain way, the context in which you do so will solicit different responses. A person wearing their cosplay to high school will generate a response different than what they’d experience at an anime convention. So while it’s easy to point fingers for how someone is treating you, you have to recognize the context in which you’re engaging your behavior.

For example, people who are giving their numbers out and then complaining they are getting harassed in doing so. Handing out your number is generally not safe anywhere on the internet, and it would be foolish to think you can just hand it out and trust people with the number. However it’s easier to blame the person doing the abusing of the number, then the person who was foolish to hand it out. So to post sexualized imagery, regardless of how you view the imagery, on a website with a high focus on fetishism and dating? It’s going to result in the same amount of attention you would get doing the same behavior at a mall, but with the anonymous aspect, allowing people to speak their minds more freely then the people at the mall. So you will end up with messages that are creepy because of the anonymity in this context.

The idea then is you can not blame one group of people for behaving a certain way while ignoring your own behavior in the same context. Creepy men are bad, but creepy women soliciting men to buy them food is okay? There are both creepy men and creepy women on this site, however it appears like there are more creepy men, only because there are more men accounts here. If the amount of women on this site matched the amount of men, there would be about equal creepy on both sides. A lot of that creepy is going to originate from the context and behavior sparking that.

Saying that "people will misbehave" is essentially saying that "people should be expected to misbehave"- which effectively puts all the blame for the problems that this misbehaving causes not on those who are acting like jerks but on the people who "should have known better" than to post their pics on a fetish site/wear those clothes/get drunk at that party/etc.

While the severity of consequence is different, it's the same victim-blaming game that's seen so often.

While there are still many great guys out there (I would like to consider myself one but then again all the creeps think they are great too) they seem to be far over-shadowed by the creepy jerks. My personal experience with this site is that most women will not even talk to you or return a simple hello message because they have received nothing but a steady stream of horrible messages from low-lifes since they joined the site and are therefore unwilling to take any more chances on anyone.

But here is the rub....the jerks would not use their foul methods if it did not work for them an acceptable amount of times. Personally I could never employ such methods but there is obviously some allure to the "bad boy" path that some women respond to, at least at first.

It works in reverse too mind you...my last interaction with a lady on this site ended up being a bit shaky as well. She indicated that she lived in the next town over from me. This turned out to be a lie when I asked if we could meet for lunch and found out she actually lived several STATES away. Foolishly, I decided to continue to talk to her only to find that she had also given me a false email address and name! So just a couple of quick tips....if you are looking to build a relationship with someone always show them respect and don't try to build your relationship on a lie....much less three! LOL

So when women get messages from jerks it's their own fault because women actually prefer "bad boys"?

Have you actually spoken to women about this? Because it sounds like a narrative that's being set up rather than something that actually happens. I hear it mostly from dejected guys who are lashing out in an attempt to soothe their bruised egos. I almost never hear this sort of thing from women.

I think you misunderstood me. I was trying to say that the creeps keep up their ways because a certain amount of women respond to them in a way they find favorable. I certainly did not imply that women bring it upon themselves as you seem to think.

And yes...I have heard that many women do not reply to messages on the assumption that the sender is a creep straight from the women themselves. Have I talked to all women on this site? No. But neither did I say all women here feel that way, just a fairly substantial amount.

You say you never hear this from women, but have you asked? I have and all I did was relay my findings.