My mother always taught me: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
Now I think she's right when it comes to comments about people's appearance. Not, however, when it comes to making sure people are speaking reason and not nonsense. So here goes.
1. By posting photos on here, the subjects are not necessarily inviting comment. They are not posting photos FOR you. They are posting them for them. To suggest that they should expect to have to take the rough with the smooth rather implies that posting photos is an act of service for others' pleasure, and at the same time an invitation to others to foist their opinions upon the subject. It might help to draw the distinction between unwanted and unsolicited criticism and being pleasant, supportive and inclusive. The first type of comment is hardly ever wanted, necessary or polite. I obviously am not talking about those on the site who openly invite being told they've got far too fat and are very very naughty LOL.
2. Issues of weight are extremely fraught in our society. Just because you have plucked up the courage, in a fat-positive environment, to post pictures of yourself on this website does not mean you have completely transcended the guilt, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, feelings of constant scrutiny and value-judgments about your worth as a person, etc, that the rest of society faces when people look at them and make a comment about their weight or other aspect of their appearance. For some gainers/feedees there is a wish to be bigger and feelings of upset can be triggered that they have not achieved that yet. For big women who have come to self-acceptance or are on their way there, there are still times when they doubt. Because the whole of our society (except FF and a few other sites) is throwing those judgments at you FULL TIME. I need not emphasise that in general this is worse for women than men. Women's appearance and perceived attractiveness is very much bound up with judgments of their worth. If you take this all into account, perhaps it might be wise to tread carefully when making comments about wanting to see someone pack on a few more pounds because then they'd be super gorgeous. Yes, you have a right to say that if you want to. But... wtf. Don't be so careless of others' emotions.
3. Clive says for example that if someone posted a comment about his weight he'd react in one of a number of ways but wouldn't really mind. From my observations of his reactions to being questioned about his words in these forums I sincerely doubt that. He doesn't like it when people disagree with him or doubt what he says. He has to come back with rebuttals in an attempt to prove them wrong. Now if that's the case with mere argument and opinions, what would it really be like if someone criticised his appearance? Or maybe those of you who, like Clive, think it would be fine to suggest someone put on a few more pounds, should try to think of a parallel situation. Imagine you've been criticised, impliedly or overtly, about something you really really fecking care about and get a bit hypersensitive about. Whether it's your art work, your bringing up of your children, a cake you spent hours making, whatever. Horrible, isn't it? That's how some people feel when suggestions are made that they change their appearance.
4. The OP has explained how she feels. She's entitled the thread "venting". I reckon she's pretty annoyed and upset. You can't tell her she shouldn't be feeling that. Her feelings are real and valid.
11 years