General

There are thousands of members on FF. If a few of them are jerks, just either ignore them, or blow them off.

For the people making the comments, it's like saying that a person will never look really good, because no matter how good they look, they can always look better. This is frustrating to the person you are commenting on.

My mother always taught me: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Now I think she's right when it comes to comments about people's appearance. Not, however, when it comes to making sure people are speaking reason and not nonsense. So here goes.

1. By posting photos on here, the subjects are not necessarily inviting comment. They are not posting photos FOR you. They are posting them for them. To suggest that they should expect to have to take the rough with the smooth rather implies that posting photos is an act of service for others' pleasure, and at the same time an invitation to others to foist their opinions upon the subject. It might help to draw the distinction between unwanted and unsolicited criticism and being pleasant, supportive and inclusive. The first type of comment is hardly ever wanted, necessary or polite. I obviously am not talking about those on the site who openly invite being told they've got far too fat and are very very naughty LOL.

2. Issues of weight are extremely fraught in our society. Just because you have plucked up the courage, in a fat-positive environment, to post pictures of yourself on this website does not mean you have completely transcended the guilt, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, feelings of constant scrutiny and value-judgments about your worth as a person, etc, that the rest of society faces when people look at them and make a comment about their weight or other aspect of their appearance. For some gainers/feedees there is a wish to be bigger and feelings of upset can be triggered that they have not achieved that yet. For big women who have come to self-acceptance or are on their way there, there are still times when they doubt. Because the whole of our society (except FF and a few other sites) is throwing those judgments at you FULL TIME. I need not emphasise that in general this is worse for women than men. Women's appearance and perceived attractiveness is very much bound up with judgments of their worth. If you take this all into account, perhaps it might be wise to tread carefully when making comments about wanting to see someone pack on a few more pounds because then they'd be super gorgeous. Yes, you have a right to say that if you want to. But... wtf. Don't be so careless of others' emotions.

3. Clive says for example that if someone posted a comment about his weight he'd react in one of a number of ways but wouldn't really mind. From my observations of his reactions to being questioned about his words in these forums I sincerely doubt that. He doesn't like it when people disagree with him or doubt what he says. He has to come back with rebuttals in an attempt to prove them wrong. Now if that's the case with mere argument and opinions, what would it really be like if someone criticised his appearance? Or maybe those of you who, like Clive, think it would be fine to suggest someone put on a few more pounds, should try to think of a parallel situation. Imagine you've been criticised, impliedly or overtly, about something you really really fecking care about and get a bit hypersensitive about. Whether it's your art work, your bringing up of your children, a cake you spent hours making, whatever. Horrible, isn't it? That's how some people feel when suggestions are made that they change their appearance.

4. The OP has explained how she feels. She's entitled the thread "venting". I reckon she's pretty annoyed and upset. You can't tell her she shouldn't be feeling that. Her feelings are real and valid.

I looked at the comments left by guys to her pics and it was just the standard "let me make that belly bigger" stuff. Honestly, nothing rude about it considering the name of the site is Fantasy Feeder. The worst comment I found was someone that said "skinny ". Yeah, it's a cheeky comment, but nothing outrageous. It wouldn't piss off 99% of the women here.

I think the problem is the OP is not into the feeder/feedee fetish and she is on a site that is called Fantasy Feeder. So, she's getting offended when guys are telling her they'd like to see her get fatter. She is taking it as they are not approving of her appearance and want to change it. But, it's not about that at all.

I think its cool that the site caters to all types of people. A big girl doesn't have to be into the fetish to post here. But it kind of annoys me when someone who is not into the fetish comes on here and then complains when she is contacted by feeders or complains when feeders leave "feeder type comments" to her pics.

It's called empathy.

Thanks for proving my point re your not liking criticism. Now imagine how irritating it is for someone to have the same reaction to comments about their size as you do about your posts...!