I think you've got to consider what's going through the minds of the other people in the chat room. If they don't instantly recognise you as someone who they've enjoyed chatting with before, they are probably going to wait to see what you have to say for yourself. Either that or you get overlooked because when it's busy you tend only to follow the thread of the conversation you're locked into, rather than following every entry that scrolls past.
There's always a bunch of people on the list who never chat, so I assume they are either involved in one or more private chats, or they are deliberately lurking to observe rather than take part. So I don't tend to go up in their grill and go "HI" but wait till they get involved.
Also remember that it isn't any one person's job to make sure everyone in the room is having a good time. I get annoyed sometimes when I go in and it's silent. I feel as if it's my duty to say "hi, how's everyone's day, hey nice pics, so what did you have for lunch, wow nice gain in your recent pics" etc etc. So other times I refuse to do that because I know I only do it out of weird misplaced British anxiety that it's my fault if everyone's not happy, and the room remains silent or the two people who were already having a discussion about World of Warcraft carry on with that.
If everyone seems to be chatting and ignoring you, remember they aren't hosting a party. It's not their "job" to make you feel included. If you think of it from their perspective, they might feel comfortable talking to those they know and trust and have already built up a rapport with. Because it's not their "duty" to welcome you, you can't assume they are going to go out of their way/out of their comfort zone to talk to someone they don't already know.
Also, if 3 people make a funny/wise/interesting comment at the same point during a conversation, I'm not going to have the chance to comment on each. It doesn't mean I haven't read it and appreciated it.
Remember, every one of those people all chatting to each other were newbies in the chat room at some point.
If someone ignores a direct comment to them, remember they might have looked away from the screen for a minute or gone away to make a cuppa. It's unlikely they're ignoring you deliberately, although obviously there are sometimes rude people, as Eve points out.
At first, because I wasn't used to internet chat rooms, I was slow to realise that people have lives aside from what you see on the screen. They may be juggling a few real-life things at the same time or carrying on multiple conversations/videochats in rooms you can't see.
I have to say my first impressions were much like yours. I felt like everyone knew each other and were in cliques. However it didn't take long to get integrated, and later I discovered they don't really necessarily all know each other that well and what I had taken as a clique isn't that at all, it might just appear that way if you're paranoid.
However for whatever reason I decided that it was probably my fault, not theirs, for not being interesting enough or cunning enough to get their attention, or that I was using the wrong etiquette, or that I'd blundered clumsily into a conversation when I should have stood by and listened first.
Funny how some people take the stance that others don't appreciate them. I wonder if you could change your outlook a bit? Rather than blaming them (the whole population of a chat room is unlikely to be at fault), could you consider: what can I do to get strangers to like me? What can I do to fit in? Can I try other approaches? What are they thinking about my method of chat and if negative, how can I improve on it?
10 years
