The main thing is to accept what you can't change. If you think someone else looks good fat, pretend that you are looking at someone else in the mirror. And think that you are someone else's someone else.
I'd say talk to your doctor about options on meds, get really serious about managing your blood sugars better-- for your health AND so that you feel more in control-- andsee if your college has counselors you can talk to snout body image.... And what the poster above said.
I too see a lovely young lady when I look at your pics.My suggestion would be to make some lists...1st make 1 of all the things you find attractive about big people...2nd make lists of the pros & cons you see in yourself...then using the 1st list see what you can compare to yourself in the 2nd list...what you don't find positive work on to improve those parts or feelings.The main thing being that you need to like yourself or the negativity will show thru to others.Wishing you the best on your quest.
Think of it as one of the random, sexy, curvy, fat chicks that you love and see exactly what you love most about this hot person who just happens to appear whenever you are near a reflective surface.
