Story authors

Wonderful, descriptive details...oh, and your belly is spectacular

It was good. Your prose is almost poetic, but I liked it. Well done descriptions too.

I didn't like it.

This story has no point. It makes no sense and that ungodly list of food at the end is insane.

"Took a couple of hours to eat it" You put more effort into the porn scene at the beginning and what we all came for when we read these stories you just gloss over and ignore it.

Also "snapped back to reality" I really don't know what you meant there either. I read it three times and couldn't tell what the day dream was. Was it the breakfast she was imagining or what. And if she ate all of that, why in the world would she be ready for a drive through trip so soon, lol no.

I don't know what "Grrruuullppp" means.

You need to find your own voice. It feels like you read a bunch of crap FF stories on here saw that people liked that and thought..

"I can do that" and you copied them. So my suggestion would be is to start over.

Give the character a name, a life. Not just "she" If you want to shoot for realism, be realistic. That list of food you put down there would be enough to kill someone, and if they ate like that everyday there wouldn't be anyway they'd fit into a car to go get drive through.

Tell us what she looks like. Who she is and make us care more about her than just a fetish standpoint of view for people to jack off to on the internet.

I feel you want to be a writer on some level, you need to find your voice like I said. And skip all the prose. All that proves to anyone is they have to learn how to read you and just starting out you're going to want to be easy to pick up but hard to put down.

You can write how you want to, but you won't get anywhere until you write like you need to. It has to make you feel more than just good, you need to feel like you actually accomplished something.

Good luck.

Wasn't aware that you were the one getting the feedback, lol.

"Some people take criticism personally" lol some people take it personally even when they didn't have anything to do with it.

She asked for feedback. You don't ever improve without someone suggesting what can be improved. Writing is harsh, brutal sometimes. I'd absolutely know how hard it is.

She wanted to know what I thought. So I told her. Simple as that. She wanted suggestions, I provided them, just as asked.

Honestly hurts. I've learned this lesson a long time ago, but if you're going to be a writer you need to learn how to take what I said and use it. Not take what I said and cry in a corner. Thick skin.

I have always been very direct. I felt a spark of potential in her work.

Apparently I was the only one, you do no favors by lying to someone, telling their work is good as is, when its not. You don't let someone one win every battle and let them think they are really good until they get out into the real world where someone knocks them down in a heartbeat.

There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence. That is my point. Perfection doesn't exist, sure. But this is her first story. I'd really hate it if she had a passion for writing but kept up like she does in her first attempt.

If you have the fire, use it.

I won't take back a single word. Besides, Softly, you should understand the merit of not settling, right? After all if you want something, you truly should never stop until you find it. And if you look and work hard enough for it. You'll get it.

Settling for what you think is good enough and sacrificing real talent for 'well this makes me happy' that's just no way to live if you have to forever dabble in something you like, on the edges wishing for what might have been.

This girl here might have a true talent for word working. I read it. I didn't like it. I suggested on how to make it better.

If that's not constructive criticism I don't know what is.

True cruelty would have just to say "This sucks" and not ever explain why. I wouldn't do that :-)

So again, original poster. If you're serious about writing this story. Put your heart into it. See it in your mind. Make your vision real, it's never easy to do it and it takes work, time and effort.

Good luck.

it's pillowprincess' first attempt to explore the elements of feeding and fattening she finds erotic and/or arousing...as such and especially HERE, anybody with the slightest shred of creativity should be positively encouraged not picked apart.

pillowprincess if you're still reading this, listen to softly, and read her work for wonderful examples of describing the sensual elements of a woman fattening.

and keep writing.

Write for yourself. Have fun with it.