Gaining

Heya guys, I'm Zaden and I currently weigh about 90kg (haven't weighed myself in a few days lol). I wear 40" pants XD. My belly is huge and doughy and jiggly. My FA friend loves it hahahah. But here's the issue, I love being fat, sometimes. Really only when I'm horny and... At all other times I absolutely hate it and want to be skinny. I feel like I was meant to be skinny and I also have a whole lot of health issues that the fat makes worse and I feel so self conscious in public. I'm more confident with it now thanks to my FA friend but I still wanna lose it. Cept once it's gone I won't have any jiggly clothes busting fun anymore :/. Anyone else relate to this? XD Man what I would give for one of those temporary magic fat spells hahaha. That way I can be fat when I want and thin at all other times lol.

I also struggle with wanting to be fat and thin. I find fat and gaining erotic, liberating, and fun. But I worry about what a few close, but judgemental, people in my life think, and I worry about my health. So, in some ways I feel better thin. In the end, I wind up alternating between dieting and gaining, up and down 30-60 lbs a few times over the last few years. Probably not the best solution, but I have no idea how to balance these opposing desires...

My desire to be fat isn't confined to when I'm horny, but I do have a similar conflict overall. For me the compromise that has worked has been to be fat enough to feel far when I want to (and sometimes when I don't), but not so fat that I can't be active and athletic, or that I can't buy clothes in normal stores. At 5'8" and generally between 215 and 225 I'm sure not thin, but I spent much of the summer biking 20km each way to work most days of the week, I try to dress neatly and normally (for lack of a better word), etc.

It isn't perfect by any means, but until someone comes up with that spell, or a way to have as spare body to do in and out of, it is the best I've found for me.

I know the exact feeling, stuffing myself or seeing my weight climb is incredibly arousing, but at the same time, I'm not liking finding that I can't do stuff I did before, while right now I'm just finding it difficult to do somethings I used to do, the recognition I've been getting as somebody who went from skinny to chubby has really been making me more excited to gain weight. I guess the thought of wanting to lose a few pounds was more frequent a couple months ago.... Nowadays, I usually will eat decent for a day or two before going back and pigging out on stuff like I normally do.

Essentially, I want to occasionally lose weight, but the arousal I get from getting fatter overpowers my desire to lose the weight.

I felt the same way for many, many years. When I was horny I wanted to be massively obese. When I wasn't I was far more rational and wanted to be thin. I was overweight as an adolescent, which may have contributed to these feeling. I a lot older now, and really wanting to be fatter/heavier. I am slowly gaining and enjoying it too!