MarshmallowMinotaur:
I�m feeling the same way. I�m always raising the bar. I want to get a lot fatter too. When I was 200 I thought 225 was the goal. When I was 220 I thought 230-235 would be good. Now I�m almost 235 and I wonder if 245 will be all that fat.[/quote]
I'd initially had not exactly a goal weight, but I had a weight I wasn't afraid to imagine being, which was 265. I got from there to over 305 because, "I just want to see how another 10lbs. looks", and the way my gaining goes it's a cycle wherein I will always *eventually* wind up with a want/need/desperate panic to grow enough to notice it. It's still happening even now because I for awhile I unintentionally/circumstantially lost 2.5 stone, and all last year I got to enjoy putting it back on, which was also my first natural chance to lose and regain weight, and see if my fat distribution and density relaxed like I'd hoped it would. And you know what? It sure as hell did!
So is it addicting, or is it that it's always been a good experience for me? Every successful gain I've grown a bit fatter, and happier with where my body is and where I suspect may be going, and *crucially* I'm not stressed about it because I've always taken as much time as I need whenever I feel like I need it, and I've spent my time as a gainer really learning to listen to myself (because myself can be a vague, wordless mess).
But "I just want to see how another 10lbs. looks", is undoubtedly where I'll find myself again. This time I'd venture to guess that it'll show up once I crest 330 and start to adjust to being that size... I don't know if my fetishistic levels of desire will ever clash with what the rest of me thinks and wants, but I hung out around 300 for a couple of years because the first time I was 300+ I had so much perky abdominal fat with nowhere to go but sit and fight against my boobs and my chest/lungs/diaphragm for air. It wasn't terrible, but it felt like being a little bit claustrophobic
in yourself, if that makes any sense.
Final insight I've got is that getting fatter is definitely just like taking a drug, and makes sense to me because what drugs do is make your brain release more or less of neurotransmitters and chemicals your body had already made itself.
I don't think you can abuse your brain chemistry via sexy thoughts quite as well as you can with cocaine, but I could see if being like a masturbation/sex addiction.
Personally, when I feel like I've got something unpleasant or overwhelming to tackle or get through, feedism is one of my preferred way to build in some "me time", and focusing on my body as much as I do when I'm in the midst of legitimately stressful times, has proven to be... I'm not Californian enough anymore to call it a grounding experience, but it's always a place I can choose to go for a smile and a surprisingly rewarding self-hug!
6 years