I was a fat kid, the middle child between a couple of sticks. I was also their cleanup crew when we went out to eat, earning me nicnames like garbage gut.
I was above average in size both weight- and height-wise, which made clothes shopping a nightmare. Nothing fit right, the horizontal or the vertical. We would always shop for my siblings first, which usually went quite smoothly. Then my mother would make the announcement that it was time to go look for "size elephant" (for me). The battlles that followed were epic. My mother was hooked on being "normal" and keeping up with the Joneses so we always started with whatever size an (x)year old was supposed to be. No matter how many times the doctor told her I was in the upper 90 percentile for growth, we always started there, even if I was already in a larger size. Multiple items were tried on, all being tested and tugged and yanked up or down. Nothing better than a wedgie from Mom in the dressing room SMH. This led to serious anxiety around shopping of any kind, but especially clothes shopping.
When I was 16 I started working at the mall and eating nothing but fast food. My job at Baskin Robbins provided money for more food, candy, and weed- which required more food and candy-as well as a take home every night I worked. It started as a pint, that quickly turned into a quart. I blew up to 220 before moving out of my parents house at age 19.
Once I moved out poverty took quick control of my diet. After bills were paid there was no money left for junk food. I don't have a car and I was walking two miles a day to work and often two back. I dropped fifty pounds in about a year with no conscious effort. I worked very physical jobs that kept me in shape no matter what I ate, up until this spring when I took a driving job.
As I sink further into "driver bod" I'm remembering how much more popular I was in the dating scene and how powerful I felt taking up space back then. As my curves are coming back I feel sexier and more confident. Garbage gut is making a comeback too as I'm becoming a bottomless pit again
I was above average in size both weight- and height-wise, which made clothes shopping a nightmare. Nothing fit right, the horizontal or the vertical. We would always shop for my siblings first, which usually went quite smoothly. Then my mother would make the announcement that it was time to go look for "size elephant" (for me). The battlles that followed were epic. My mother was hooked on being "normal" and keeping up with the Joneses so we always started with whatever size an (x)year old was supposed to be. No matter how many times the doctor told her I was in the upper 90 percentile for growth, we always started there, even if I was already in a larger size. Multiple items were tried on, all being tested and tugged and yanked up or down. Nothing better than a wedgie from Mom in the dressing room SMH. This led to serious anxiety around shopping of any kind, but especially clothes shopping.
When I was 16 I started working at the mall and eating nothing but fast food. My job at Baskin Robbins provided money for more food, candy, and weed- which required more food and candy-as well as a take home every night I worked. It started as a pint, that quickly turned into a quart. I blew up to 220 before moving out of my parents house at age 19.
Once I moved out poverty took quick control of my diet. After bills were paid there was no money left for junk food. I don't have a car and I was walking two miles a day to work and often two back. I dropped fifty pounds in about a year with no conscious effort. I worked very physical jobs that kept me in shape no matter what I ate, up until this spring when I took a driving job.
As I sink further into "driver bod" I'm remembering how much more popular I was in the dating scene and how powerful I felt taking up space back then. As my curves are coming back I feel sexier and more confident. Garbage gut is making a comeback too as I'm becoming a bottomless pit again
4 years
