I have always been big so as you learn to love yourself, I learnt to love fat.
I always saw the big girls at school and thought, they are who I want to be with. Soft, warm and cuddly. As I started liking fat more, gender seemed to pale into insignificance.
I remember my first experience of mutual gaining. After school a delightful and large girl, and I would get off at an earlier bus stop and go to the local shop, where we would buy crisps, pastries and chocolate. We would eat them on a park bench together and all the while I thought about her getting fatter. Occasionally the thought that I was getting fatter would crop up. I just found that hotter.
4 years