Lifestyle tips

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
C00kie   United Kingdom
Joined 5 years
administrator
I think first and foremost you need to have a blunt and honest conversation with your partner.

Your partner is with you and has been for obviously some years now, as you mention you have kids together. Your husband obviously loves and cares for you deeply, regardless of having a preference for bigger women and you not fully fitting that criteria as you describe yourself as only a little chubby.

Nobody in this community agrees with secret feeding or persuasion / guilt tactics. So in regards to your comment about 'encouraging a certain lifestyle, even though your partners not into it'. Nobody would recommend a relationship with feederism based on manipulation. However it doesn't exactly sound like that is the case here...

You prefer to be slimmer and resent your husband for not exclusively being attracted to slimmer women. You also don't like that you have put on weight over the years and your partner obviously enjoys the way your body has changed.

I think if you have a chat with your partner, you will find that he would not want you to feel miserable, and is more than likely to support you if you choose to loose weight or embrace the weight gain, but only you two will be able to decide the best course of action. I would like to add that you cant expect someone else to change their preferences because it makes you feel uncomfortable or it doesn't fit in with your body ideals and what you deem attractive.

I also don't think it's wise to snoop on your partners phone, it indicates a lack of trust between you both. Which is only going to be resolved by talking it out. I truly hope you resolve your issues and it works out for the best.
4 years

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
C00kie   United Kingdom
Joined 5 years
administrator
I have replied to you privately, I hope that's ok. I know you sort of wrote an open letter to the forum for advice, and it may be good to understand others perspectives that are similar to your husbands. However I personally would not want to go through the emotional turmoil in front of a whole community of people / strangers.

No pressure to respond obviously, but here for you to ask questions if you need to.
4 years

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
Fatchance   United States
Joined 7 years
You have not indicated that your husband has not tried to feed you or encourage you. If he has actually done so, then my comments are not all applicable.

Consider, he finds you attractive and you hate that because you don't find yourself attractive. Do you imagine that he would have been attracted to you and married you had he not found you attractive?

You say you are ok with him having his fetish, but you don't like him imagining you as part of it. So you seriously want him to imagine being with others, but not you? Have you thought this through?

Imagine this were turned around and every picture he looked at were model skinny and those imaginings of you were disgusting now and passable when you were only chubby ... do you WANT to be unattractive to him?

To my view, you are unhappy with yourself and you actually seem to want him to be unhappy with you as well. Well, if you achieve that you may find yourself alone, because that is where that typically leads.

If you are unhappy about your weight, you need to either lose weight or accept yourself at your current weight. He seems to have found you attractive when you were "chubby" and now. It is not really about him, it is about you.

I don't say this to be mean. You need to seek a councilor to help with this as it is horrible to be as self critical and miserable as you seem to be. Don't continue to suffer, get some help.

At some point your councilor may well want your husband to attend so he can understand and be supportive. I imagine he is pretty confused and probably feels that he can't say anything right to you right now ... and that is probably true.

I do hope you can get some help and feel better.
4 years

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
Reflection Of Perfection   United States
Joined 15 years
The only words necessary are to go to a marriage counselor and tell your husband exactly how you feel before you hurt him or vice versa
4 years

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
Startnew   Portugal
Joined 7 years
Depression7:
I don’t even know what I’m hoping to get out of posting here. Let me start by saying I want NOTHING to do with a feeding lifestyle. If you are a couple who is into it and it’s not one person trying to convince another to partake, then honestly no judgement whatsoever. And bravo to the women who own that body positivity. However I am a woman who has been insecure about myself and my weight my entire life. I’ve always been just a little bit chubby. I’ve always had struggles with food. Always had anxiety and depression in some form as far as I can remember. And I have even suffered from eating disorders.

Well probably about 10 years ago (or maybe even more) I snooped on my husbands phone (also have trust issues) and I found this forum and other feeder and BBW fetish sites. And while a little disturbed I was okay with it at first because he wasn’t texting other women, he wasn’t cheating, and he wasn’t looking at women who I considered to be perfect body types that I would never achieve. Plus I had my own fantasies that he didn’t know about... it’s cool we all have our thing right? Nbd.

The only things that kind of bothered me was when I read articles like “how to convince my girlfriend to let me feed her” or “how to feed my wife against her will” because I wanted NO part in any of this fantasy. I did not and do not ever want my husband to look at me as a fat fetish. And even when he tells me that he likes my body when I gain weight, it makes me highly uncomfortable and I don’t like it!

Cut to 2 kids and 80 lbs later, I am about 230 lbs and MISERABLE. I never want to have sex or even change in front of my husband of 12 years, because I don’t like him looking at me like that. Keep in mind he has no idea that I know about his fetish. And I am totally cool with him looking at other women if that turns him on, but to me, I am insecure and I hate the way I look right now. Other BBW women are beautiful to me- when they are confident and own it. I get why he would be turned on by that. But to me, I feel ugly and fat and just so sad and defeated. And the fact that he LIKES it and is turned on by it makes me hate and resent him.

Recently I have found photos on his phone of myself where I look disgusting. And he crops me out. Crops out my face in photos where I have a double chin. Photos of me when I was 80 lbs thinner next to photos of me now.

And my anxiety and depression is really at an all time high as I’m the heaviest I have ever been in my life (not a coincidence- I overeat because I’m depressed/ I’m depressed because I overeat) and I just feel helpless like I can’t stop. And he tries to pretend like he wants to encourage me to be healthier but I know he doesn’t. It makes me want to starve myself honestly, and then when I try to, I end up binge eating because I just can’t stop.

I spent hours this morning crying after he left the house because of the way all this makes me feel. And I don’t know what to do or why I’m telling the group of people who have this very same fetish.

Maybe I’m hoping to get advice from someone like him... would you continue encouraging this lifestyle knowing it made your spouse miserable? Should I be honest and tell him I know everything?

Thanks for listening.


Hi beautiful, there is nothing to be ashamed in being overweight. There is nothing to be ashamed in willing to loose weight. I can understand why you are disturbed by the fact your husband looks at before/after pix of you. But I do find it a little bit odd that you dont want him to see you naked. I mean you had his Kids! You have been together for over 12 years. You dont even share your fantasies with each other! You do need counselling to battle depression but you DO need to talk to each other too. Come clean about the fact that you looked at his Phone and if He gets mad at you for that, so be it. Then ask him what does He like about this fetish and share your fantasies with each other. It can be very exciting and even help you feel better about your body. Your body is not only the size you are in. It's your story, it's the means to hug your Kids, go for a walk, have an orgasm... and even if I know it is hard, stop having this passive aggressive attitude. You either accept your weight or you change it
4 years

My husband has this fetish and i hate it!

Avatar
Supergirl   Canada
Joined 5 years
Depression7:
I don’t even know what I’m hoping to get out of posting here. Let me start by saying I want NOTHING to do with a feeding lifestyle. If you are a couple who is into it and it’s not one person trying to convince another to partake, then honestly no judgement whatsoever. And bravo to the women who own that body positivity. However I am a woman who has been insecure about myself and my weight my entire life. I’ve always been just a little bit chubby. I’ve always had struggles with food. Always had anxiety and depression in some form as far as I can remember. And I have even suffered from eating disorders.

Well probably about 10 years ago (or maybe even more) I snooped on my husbands phone (also have trust issues) and I found this forum and other feeder and BBW fetish sites. And while a little disturbed I was okay with it at first because he wasn’t texting other women, he wasn’t cheating, and he wasn’t looking at women who I considered to be perfect body types that I would never achieve. Plus I had my own fantasies that he didn’t know about... it’s cool we all have our thing right? Nbd.

The only things that kind of bothered me was when I read articles like “how to convince my girlfriend to let me feed her” or “how to feed my wife against her will” because I wanted NO part in any of this fantasy. I did not and do not ever want my husband to look at me as a fat fetish. And even when he tells me that he likes my body when I gain weight, it makes me highly uncomfortable and I don’t like it!

Cut to 2 kids and 80 lbs later, I am about 230 lbs and MISERABLE. I never want to have sex or even change in front of my husband of 12 years, because I don’t like him looking at me like that. Keep in mind he has no idea that I know about his fetish. And I am totally cool with him looking at other women if that turns him on, but to me, I am insecure and I hate the way I look right now. Other BBW women are beautiful to me- when they are confident and own it. I get why he would be turned on by that. But to me, I feel ugly and fat and just so sad and defeated. And the fact that he LIKES it and is turned on by it makes me hate and resent him.

Recently I have found photos on his phone of myself where I look disgusting. And he crops me out. Crops out my face in photos where I have a double chin. Photos of me when I was 80 lbs thinner next to photos of me now.

And my anxiety and depression is really at an all time high as I’m the heaviest I have ever been in my life (not a coincidence- I overeat because I’m depressed/ I’m depressed because I overeat) and I just feel helpless like I can’t stop. And he tries to pretend like he wants to encourage me to be healthier but I know he doesn’t. It makes me want to starve myself honestly, and then when I try to, I end up binge eating because I just can’t stop.

I spent hours this morning crying after he left the house because of the way all this makes me feel. And I don’t know what to do or why I’m telling the group of people who have this very same fetish.

Maybe I’m hoping to get advice from someone like him... would you continue encouraging this lifestyle knowing it made your spouse miserable? Should I be honest and tell him I know everything?

Thanks for listening.


Well, the original poster has apparently deleted their account and will likely not see my reply. But for anyone else who might read it who might be helped by it, I thought I would respond.
I don't think this is about your husband's fetish/attraction - certainly you need to air that stuff out with your partner, set boundaries, etc. But we all have our individual fantasies, and you can't ask someone not to fantasize about something, but you can establish clear limits about how it can be present (or not) in your lives. It didn't sounds like he was being unfaithful, and to the best I can tell from what was stated here, he's not trying to manipulate you. (If he was, without your permission, that is a problem!).
I think the bigger issue here is how you feel about yourself. When I read how you feel about your body, it really struck home with me. I felt the same way about myself. I was an FA and a feeder, but as my weight climbed to 150 lbs and then 170 lbs, I felt so crappy about myself. I went to the gym, punished myself, felt guilty and anxious about myself. Tied in with some other stuff (the end of a long term relationship, depression, anxiety, etc.) I sought councelling and for a time was even on meds. My unhappiness related to my body and weight was not just about weight - it was about how I felt about myself. I had to learn how I was doing things to make me happy that, well, weren't making me happy. Though councelling I started to get in tune with myself to recognize, oh hey, THIS makes me happy, not THAT. And along that path, I started to come to grips with my own body and love it a little more, even though I've
4 years