Gaining

i totally see this now - it is like hitting a critical mass, and now it seems to just happen on its own. my appetite keeps my belly fueled, my metabolism is converting all the calories to fat, and it's almost a self- perpetuating system!

i keep thinking, "better slow down," but it never happens!

This is what your girlfriend meant by “the point of no return.” You can still break the cycle, of course - but it will require a major lifestyle change.

“Slowing down” is very difficult without lifestyle change because your growing belly has increased your appetite and daily calorie consumption while also slowing your calorie burning. Your fat cells have doubled and doubled again, and insulin resistance causes the "gain train" to gather speed, potentially fattening you up to weights that once seemed impossible.

To paraphrase Hemingway: "How did I get fat? First slowly, then suddenly."

YES

so it is like a snowball rolling down hill, reinforcing itself and gaining (no pun intended) momentum. i can totally feel this now.

the other thing is that, because not exercising takes no effort (by definition!), and it is so easy to derive pleasure from eating and drinking, it becomes habit-forming. now my routine of snacking, eating and drinking beer after i am done working is a delightful, joyful habit. i don't want to break it, i enjoy it... i just keep hoping my weight will plateau! lol

Such a good little feedee. Good job.

yes ma'am. thank you ma'am.

If it's any consolation, you're in good company: www.confessionpost.com/64539/my-husband-is-getting-fat

my girlfriend is officially smaller than she was when we met about 2 years ago. she's still a good deal bigger than i am, and still a ssbbw, but i am proud of how she has been managing her diet and fitness.

by comparison, i am at my fattest and heaviest - ever!

she is back to swimming now that pools have opened up, which is good for her joints & mobility. i have not joined her yet at the pool yet, but i intend to.

a few weeks ago she started to work out with weights, nothing serious but she wants to protect her joints and mobility since she has a fairly physical job.

she asked if i wanted to join her, but to be honest, i just can't face it. i used to be such a gym rat, i was there 3-4 times a week. when i first started to gain weight, i panicked and tried to go back to the gym to lose it, and get back in shape... i just couldn't do it. i was winded so easily, and the amount i could lift had diminished so much - i know it was pride, or ego, but i just felt like such a weakling. i couldn't be there. it felt so embarrassing.

i am only fatter now (probably 50 lbs+) and more out of shape now... and while the idea of how humiliating it would be is kind of a turn on, i just don't think i could go thru with it.

Are you still putting on weight?

yes, i have gained some more.

stuff has changed over the last few months... i have had to change cities for work, and my girlfriend was not able to move with me due to her work. we have tried to keep things going long-distance but it is tough. i don't think either of us are really happy with the situation.

work and moving (and basically ... life! lol) has kept me really busy. i remain sedentary, i am eating and drinking too much, and yeah, my clothes continue to shrink on me somehow.

i have reconnected with some old friends, fit ones from my previous life as a gym nut. they have been trying to encourage me to return to the gym now that it is open again, but to be honest, i don't want to. not only an i not interested because of the pandemic, but i just can't see myself there as a fat guy.

the thought of being there with a fit, strong guy (who i used to have the same physique as) to compare myself to, now that i am totally out of shape, is kind of arousing... the embarrassment and humiliation appeals as a fantasy, but i don't think i could bring myself to really do it...