Some excellent points, Edxl.
Whether it's in advertisements, movies, shows, books, music, family, some friends, your romantic partner, or regular ass conversations with regular ass people.... It's a constant reminder that on the inside, you're on the fringes of acceptability in society. It's that little voice in your head you've had since your earliest memories, that tells you to lay low a little around certain people in certain conversations. Even when you're an adult and out of the closet about it.... you're still gonna meet people on a day to day basis who are not going to be understanding about any of this. So you're constantly on the edge either endlessly defending yourself against everyone you meet and being ok that many of them will simply break contact, or not showing certain people all sides of your character when the opportunity presents itself. Both of which chip away at you in their own little ways
Life gets a lot easier when you start to look at feedism as a fantasy kink, and look for emotionally compatible partners that are simply OK with you finding their fat bodies sexy, or vise versa
I mean, even without this kink, the number of people out of 1,000 that you'd wanna be in a relationship with is pretty low. Add to this mix a kink that only 12 or so people in an entire metropolitan area are into, and you're feelin like an alien most days
4 years