Lifestyle tips

It is only in my previous relationship and the current one that I was truly aware of the feederism part of me. And how I handle it is by not saying anything about it.

I'm not trying to recruit anyone into doing it, and I figure if either of them were into it, I'd find out. In fact, I believe my previous girlfriend was until she decided she didn't want to be fat anymore, which was the beginning of the end of the relationship coincidentally.

Just because I prefer something or something turns me on doesn't mean that the woman I'm with has to be / do that.

I prefer blondes but the current woman stopped dyeing her hair and went brown (then gray), the previous was a redhead, and the ex wife was black haired.

I haven't had a woman who would wear high heeled shoes since I was in my twenties.

All three were fat and had weight loss surgery, but my ex-wife dumped me before she had it, the ex-girlfriend dumped me after she had it, and I'm still with the current one.

In the end, kinks are just kinks and people are people, and while it may be possible to find a woman who meets all your kinks, I haven't tried and I don't expect it.

So, I don't try to fatten the girlfriend up (although truth be told, even post surgery she's good at it all by herself) and I read and write stories here and other places.

Cheating is a choice and I am choosing to scratch my fetish itch without it.

My wife knows that I appreciate her being fat and that I have no objections to her being fatter, but I've never gone into any more detail than that on my feedism kinks.

We were married before I had more than a vague idea of what these desires were all about. I communicated just enough to find out that despite her appetite she doesn't share these kinks. So it didn't seem fair to put those on her once I did understand it all, when I understood that it wasn't her thing.

I try to channel my feedist energy to sites like this, where I can vent my feelings without impacting our relationship, and I do my best to support her on her periodic health kicks.

Thinks have worked out well for me, but absolutely I'd suggest finding someone who at least accepts your kinks and kind of passively enables them, even if they don't actively support them. Like, if you want to be fat and like contrast, someone who accepts you as fat and who likes to work out. Or if you are a feedee, they love to cook and have people enjoy their food.

Finding someone who actively matches up with your kinks is obviously the ideal! But you a) have to have a good understanding of what those are (and for many people that evolves some as they get to know their initial kinks better), have to find that person who matches up, and c) have to be fortunate not to have your kinks grow apart over time.

I'm really sorry to hear that you heard in a bad way, and how it is affecting your relationship. Best wishes on the two of you finding a way past this.

If there is anything you would like to ask, or if you just want a chance to vent to a stranger who doesn't know you, feel free to post here, or to start a new thread. Or speaking for myself, feel free to send a PM (I suspect many others would be glad to listen privately too, but I can't speak for them).

One thing to note is that there is quite a bit of variety in these kinks, not everyone likes/wants the same things, not everyone is into it in the same way or degree, etc. And of course, anonymously online some people will exaggerate or just fantasize. So not everything you read here will reflect your husband. But it will give you a general idea of these sorts of things.

Again, feeling sorry that you were hurt, and wishing you healing.

I gave my (thin!) partner the general gist that I like heavy people within about a month of dating, and I'm very happy for that. And I'm very happy that he's so open-minded and sex-positive, even though he doesn't share this kink or the other (even stranger) ones that stem off it for me, which I introduced to him more gradually after I learned to trust that he wouldn't freak out or anything. I do still consistently communicate with him, show him my drawings, discuss these sites, and check that he's not emotionally affected by it. He's happy that it gives me joy. And like deltajim said, I do try hard to avoid making him feel pressured into doing anything he's uncomfortable with. The last thing I want is for my unusual preferences to get in the way of a solid, healthy love.
Refraining from kink-shaming can go such a long way for your emotional and relational health, and I only wish it was more normalized. It would be transformative if we could get away from all our puritanical views on sex completely and accept everyone for who they are-- but that's a whole other ball of wax.

(HubbysChubs, I am sorry to hear about the pain that has been caused by this, and by your partner keeping it a secret for so long. I don't think I can say it better than deltajim said it, but I will also hope for healing for you, and hope that you can push through the conflict together and come out even happier and healthier than before).

Ugh, that is SO shitty of him, I'm sorry girlfriend 😢 there's no excuse for that kind of behavior, fetish or no fetish

I am so sorry for your situation. Kudos! to you to investigate his fetish and empower yourself. Knowledge is power. I hope this site provides you insight and allows introspection and reflection as you choose a path to continue your journey to happiness. This is the most mature and thoughtful response I have witnessed on any of these sites. My hat is off to you!! Remember, respect, trust, communication, and dignity are the foundations for love and intimacy. Best of Luck!!

That is a tough situation, and I feel so sorry for you. I'm going to bounce around a couple of ways of looking at the situation, however, just in case it helps.

On the negative side he concealed this relationship, and he has a sort of emotional intimacy with this other person -- for someone with a kink, sharing a kink with someone is certainly akin to sex, so looking at it like he'd been sexting someone is pretty fair.

On the less negative side, he obviously already knew about this kink when he met you, realized that you didn't share it, and decided that he wanted to share his life with you anyway -- that you were worth far more than having his kinks directly fulfilled. And he found a way to indirectly keep his kinks managed without bringing it into your joint life. I could imagine him convincing himself that this was the smart way to manage it all, that he wasn't seeing this other person or having physical intimacy so that it wasn't cheating, and he wasn't tempted to push you into something that you aren't into. (I'm not saying that he made a wise decision, but I can imagine the path leading to it. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and all that).

Wishing the two of you a path out of this swamp, and brighter days ahead.

You don't sound pathetic at all! Just human, dealing with issues that come up in many relationships (not identical, but general theme). But that others go through something similar doesn't mean that your own personal situation isn't a very big deal. And sometimes talking about it can help crystalize some thoughts and help you move on to the next step in that thought process, so please never apologize for talking about it.

And yes, that added detail really makes him look pretty bad. He was really chasing that fantasy kink fulfillment even when it wasn't being freely offered. It really sounds like both he has a lot to apologize for, but also that he needs to find ways to get his kink under control. (When you are doing something that destructive to happiness and good relationships, you don't have it under control)