Fat experiences

Lucia:
I'm just going to come out of the closet and work with the original thread title: asexuality fetish.

I can confirm that such a thing indeed exists, and also that it's nigh impossible to find anything about it on the interwebs; for I myself happen to be such a case- undoubtedly brought about by childhood abuse, yet by the time I realised what I was doing the deed was already done.

When I was young I ate to become unattractive; mostly subconscious, but this is a theory psychologists actually support and document so I'm going to assume that's true.

However, I happen to fall in love with a fat admirer... which (again, subconsciously) implied I wasn't fat enough yet.

I'm not saying that sex was bad, but I've always had the strangest reactions to it; and when -due to my weight- having sex became increasingly difficult, I didn't back down; I just let that happen.

Now, my husband probably fancied himself a fat admirer but he simply wasn't prepared for me; meaning he developed severe problems getting a hard-on for me as time went by. Neither him nor me knew whence it came (it wasn't as obvious as it was in my case) but he totally embraced this added difficulty and wanted more of it.

So there we were: me, subconsciously trying to avoid men by gaining weight; and my husband, happily allowing his manhood to slip away further living out some weird 'asexuality fetish' of his own.

Already far beyond a 'comfortable' level of overweight, I decided to --consciously this time-- find other means to sabotage our sexlives; and he wholeheartedly pledged himself to this cause. Looking back at it it was the weirdest thing, yet it was what we both wanted so we dedicated ourselves to it and, sure enough, found a way to pull it off.

As I've said, I cannot for the life of me find anything even remotely related to this on the interwebs; but I dare claim we both had a severe case of 'asexuality fetishism'.

How else do you call it when you get a thrill out of feeling your husband's last centimeter escape you; and using it as a gauge like "how much more fat do I need to pile onto my ladyparts before he's completely out of there?"

How else do you call it when your husband encourages you to keep gaining, because me getting uglier helped him defuse accidental hard-ons? By then he merely needed to open his eyes and he'd shrink on the spot; but he still perceived my boobs as a risk and thus required a fatter wife just to be on the safe side.

How else do you call it when teaching your husband all kinds of wrong habits finally pays off, and he thanks you for it; even asking you to render him just a little more impotent, despite already being utterly unable to climax? (I presume due to something psychologic, can't be sure tho)

All I can say is ... it definitely exists. He literally (really literally out loud) expressed his desire to become 200% unable to have any kind of sex, including self-relief. And years later, seeing that feeding me didn't get rid of my hand helping him out occasionally, extended that desire to become SO repulsive I would not only barely be able to help him, but unwilling to do so.

Eventually, we all got what we wanted:
I cannot touch myself; but luckily I don't feel the need.
None but the most stalwart of fat admirers would ever dream of having sexual relations with me.
He can barely relief himself; (he however DOES feel the need)
And for a little over a year now, whenever he shows up in my bedroom 'in need', all I wanted for him was to leave.

For me personally, my initial reason to gain and the way I coped with whatever followed, clearly had its roots in the sexual abuse I'd suffered as a child; and over time, I've grown out of it. At this point I would not consider myself a hardcore asexual fetishist-- it's merely something I do by lack of choice.

For me husband ... The Lord only knows what was going on there. But it that ain't an asexuality fetish, nothing is.

Would love to learn more about it -hence my showing up in this thread; but it's probably not exactly what you meant? .....or is it?

John Smith:
.... how can you being asexual and having any erotic mania that involves gathering sexual gratificatipj from a partner's gain, stuffing and progresses??

I think some people here have a hard tine figuring out what does asexualism does means. As much claiming being "haftime chaste" while being a prick-teaser or more.