Extreme obesity

I've slowly been thinking about this dark side of this fetish. I would never tell my wife though since she has bad anxiety issues and she would definitely worry about me. But lately I've been thinking about how my current junk food diet is going to affect my health and it's been turning me on. I've been drinking about 3 to 4 cans of Mountain Dew a day for almost a week now, been eating fast food a lot lately and I've been eating snack cakes too. I rarely eat anything healthy. I have a endocrinologist appointment near the end of the month and I'm sure she's going to hound me again for not losing weight, but instead I gained weight and I bet I weigh more than I did when I first seen her back in July of last year. (And during that time I was 217 lbs, I don't know my current weight yet. Also I'm a trans guy who's been on hormones for five months now hence why I go to a endocrinologist. I'm not diabetic, well yet at least. I bet if I keep this junk food diet up I will be. )

Definitely the psychological factors for me. I was always turned on by the fantasy of getting big and the humiliation that would come with the weight gain. When I actually started gaining in real life about 8 years ago I found that a D/s relationship turned me on the most. I've been subbing for a sadistic Dom for the last 2 years and in that time I've developed a binge eating disorder and food addiction. I've tried to stop several times because I'm still on the fence about becoming obese but the most I can go without a binge is usually about a week. When I really try to stop and can't is when I realize how much my will power has been broken. It all started as more of a game, just D/s play and I was very strong willed. But it's developed into something much more real now. My Dom did a really good job of slowly getting me addicted and dependent. He says I'm one of the most pathetic and easily malleable subs he has now.
And as far as why I want to be ruined, I think it's mostly the excuse option. I still don't want to be ruined most of the time but as soon as I'm horny is all I want. Now that I'm gaining and binging more that also turns me on and gets me wishing I was super obese like I've always fantasized about. I still don't know how much I'll end up gaining. My relationship to this fetish keeps changing. For the most part it's moving in the direction of me getting fatter, especially because of the Dom I'm sexually dependent on now.

The dark aspects of humiliation and ruination have always been appealing mostly due to personal arousal at being in a position or state of weakness.

How would I like to be ruined if such a thing came true? Stretchmarks, cellulite, rolls everywhere, double to triple and more chins, facial fat making me unrecognizable, a walking circus fat lady if walking is even possible. The permanence of it..

Health wise? Oxygen usage at times, diabetees, permanently expanded fat cells making weight loss a fictional dream. Tiring easily, physical weakness, usage of mobility scooters. Flatulence and belching. Sweating from exertion.

Psychologically? Gluttony becoming my main personality facet, Emotionally coping with life problems and feelings through comfort eating, fragile will, lack of discipline, becoming a pathetic characterization of the stereotypical "Fat American" the way other nations might see people over here, a loop of arousal and self destruction, knowing I will forever be some obese hog till my death and that all my potential was wasted.

For me eating has bloomed into a weird source of arousal and pleasure. I'm morbidly curious to see myself spiral out of control as to get fatter and fatter without a clear limit. I ironically like myself but I also see things from a spiritual perspective of wanting to explore it instead of resist or ignore that kind of change.

Eating very well might be an addiction and coping mechanism but through the years my weight has yo yo'd if only due to being a poor NEET who's only ever worked off the books doing caretaking or work for room and board.

Mobility issues and health issues are scary, it's in a way really dark of a fetish but arousal and facination draw me like a moth to the flame or in this case a pig to the slaughter house. Sure I like the nicer aspects of feederism but I've always been a person with odd thoughts and feels.

I want that!!!!

That is my ideal feedee.

My gf is nearly ruined. She has stretchmarks, her joints aren't that good has diabetes, lipo-lymphedema and open legs. She's very short on air and gets more and more lazy - she does absolutely nothing.
But it is her choice and I love her very much. She's my dream woman.

you and your girl are lucky!

Thank you. It is so hot to see her destroy herself - for both of us. And to be honest, I wish, I'd get issues soon, too.

i think diabetes is so hot!

She has to use Insulin and takes pills, but besides this she doesn't really care. And yes, it is VERY hot!