Fat experiences

Panic attack about kink

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LoraDayton   United States
Joined 16 years
welcome to the life of what I think honestly MOST of us feedees are! In my opinion - most of us aren't gaining. Anyone who tells you that you must somehow be involved with gaining - whether giving or receiving - in order to be "in" in the community are gatekeeping ***s and dead wrong.

If you read my profile, I've outlined it like this: the kink is foreplay and sometimes fun for me. It's not a lifestyle. That's not a dis for those to whom it is a lifestyle. Maybe you are just discovering it is not your lifestyle, but just for fun or foreplay.

Feedism does not mean limitless or immobility for everyone. If you still enjoy feedism, you are still a feedist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You get to decide that on your terms.

It's not an absolute or black and white. You can stop and go as you please or re-evaluate whenever you want. If you want to pause and lose now, that's cool. If you want to pause and gain later, that's cool. If you just need a breather to figure that out, that's cool too.

Sounds to me like you just hit a limit for awhile. Sit with it and see how you feel and don't make any rush decisions.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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WideJuan76   United States
Joined 13 years
loradayton:
welcome to the life of what I think honestly MOST of us feedees are! In my opinion - most of us aren't gaining. Anyone who tells you that you must somehow be involved with gaining - whether giving or receiving - in order to be "in" in the community are gatekeeping ***s and dead wrong.

If you read my profile, I've outlined it like this: the kink is foreplay and sometimes fun for me. It's not a lifestyle. That's not a dis for those to whom it is a lifestyle. Maybe you are just discovering it is not your lifestyle, but just for fun or foreplay.

Feedism does not mean limitless or immobility for everyone. If you still enjoy feedism, you are still a feedist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You get to decide that on your terms.

It's not an absolute or black and white. You can stop and go as you please or re-evaluate whenever you want. If you want to pause and lose now, that's cool. If you want to pause and gain later, that's cool. If you just need a breather to figure that out, that's cool too.

Sounds to me like you just hit a limit for awhile. Sit with it and see how you feel and don't make any rush decisions.


I thought that I was the only one trying to speak from real vantage points on this page but this is so spot on that I have to give a standing ovation for its artistry. All of this, is a kink; some of us just take it further than others and this is not some cult that either you go all in or not. It is a person's own kink and the "FAT GIFT" affects each of us very differently and that is cool and nor should you have to justify how you express it. I chose to go beyond a point of no return because back when I started down this path, I was told that this was what one should do when they accept that they see fat in this way but I later realized that there were way more subsets and categories in this and they are all a part of the same spectrum. We all have our limits. Hell, I went down this path and enjoy all of the fat I grew but I know a group of women in Louisiana who had spouses that they help feed to such a point that these dudes had issues doing everything and that was when I can be fat but not that fat so accept your limits and pay that nonsense that you have to keep going to prove how much of a feedist you are no mind.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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Curiousicey   Finland
Joined 3 years
This is actually a very mind opening and lock solving thread. Makes this puzzle feel not so complicated. Have considered these questions for years all by myself so yeah, what a relief! Too nervous to add my own experiences so just gon say thanks, hahah
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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Ploppp   -
Joined 5 years
A big thing that helped me was learning more about the fat acceptance movement. I listen to a podcast called Food Psych that talks about eating disorders and weight discrimination, it breaks down these concepts in really loving and healing ways. There actually is nothing wrong with being fat, I know our culture is abusive toward fat bodies, but it’s not inherently unhealthy to be fat, the correlation seems to exist because we stigmatize fat bodies, not because it’s inherently toxic. I used to freak out so much thinking my body was covered in poison that would one day kill me, learning that my body was never bad or wrong and my culture just told me it was was a huge relief. So listen to your body. Eat vegetables, work out, but be fat if it’s what your body wants, there’s nothing wrong with it.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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Ditzy   United States
Joined 11 years
Kind of what happened when I hit 425 lbs.
I looked in the mirror and thought OMG am I really this fat?
Just standing and walking were a chore.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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Feedmesqueezeme   United Kingdom
Joined 3 years
qtpie8124:
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.

So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.

How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?


I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.

It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.

I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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Foxyfuzz   United States
Joined 3 years
LoraDayton:
welcome to the life of what I think honestly MOST of us feedees are! In my opinion - most of us aren't gaining. Anyone who tells you that you must somehow be involved with gaining - whether giving or receiving - in order to be "in" in the community are gatekeeping ***s and dead wrong.

If you read my profile, I've outlined it like this: the kink is foreplay and sometimes fun for me. It's not a lifestyle. That's not a dis for those to whom it is a lifestyle. Maybe you are just discovering it is not your lifestyle, but just for fun or foreplay.

Feedism does not mean limitless or immobility for everyone. If you still enjoy feedism, you are still a feedist and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You get to decide that on your terms.

It's not an absolute or black and white. You can stop and go as you please or re-evaluate whenever you want. If you want to pause and lose now, that's cool. If you want to pause and gain later, that's cool. If you just need a breather to figure that out, that's cool too.

Sounds to me like you just hit a limit for awhile. Sit with it and see how you feel and don't make any rush decisions.


I’ve been having a hard time with this as well! This is very helpful, and quite refreshing to hear, really. Thank you!
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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BBWcreator82   United States
Joined 18 years
As a feeder too.

Sometimes I stop and think to myself "What am I doing, what kind of brain damage did I get as a kid to end up here?"

Honestly, I have to remember to tell myself that I DO match with others and this is what they need, too.

It's all consensual. But sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Just breathe. Take a step back. Realize you're not entirely broken as you think and get back to it.

The panic is real sometimes.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

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BBWcreator82   United States
Joined 18 years
qtpie8124:

How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?

junebug10:
Like others, I just want to thank you for this post and the subsequent discussion because my relationship with this kink has always been inextricably linked to body dysmorphia. While becoming aware of my sexuality, I had to navigate the conflict between my fantasies/desires and the seemingly irreconciable shame and insecurity I felt around body image. To be frank, I still struggle with this.

Part of me would love to "let go" and gain, but I know in reality I could never be truly happy in the body I fantasize about. Starting in middle school, patterns of disordered eating emerged; I binged and purged, restricted food, exercised to burn off what I allowed myself to eat. In high school I still binged/purged but it was much more infrequent and I was very conscious of caloric intake, though ate more regularly. As I've gotten older, those more extreme urges have lessened and I mostly find some days I scrutinize food choices or calorie consumption more than others. Nevertheless, body image issues remained a constant.

I should mention that I struggle with depression and anxiety, social anxiety specifically, meaning fear of judgement is an onerous specter which plagues every decision I make and filters my perceptions with, at times crippling, self doubt and criticism. It ebbs and flows in intensity, some days I feel great about my body and there are others where I feel like an unworthy piece of crap who shouldn't burden people with the mere site of her. Suffice to say, the psychological aspects of this fetish are incredibly complex for someone like me.

I'd love to have a feeder girlfriend to encourage me to eat what I want and however much I want, but I know that can never be a reality (save for intense and successful therapy or perhaps a brain injury which magically cures me of my anxiety). I suppose I reconcile the fantasy with that which can never be by reading the stories on here (though a number of those pose some difficulties as well, given the sexist and problematic tropes prevalent in some stories) and clothes padding to look/feel bigger at least temporarily. There's a certain degree of confusion when contending with this kink and those moments of shame and/or panic when I weigh a pound more than I did the day before.

Ultimately I think it's a conflict I'll always deal with, one which makes me feel like I don't belong in this community or even on this website. However, it's certainly nice to know I'm not alone in difficulties reconcialing this kink with experiences of body dysmorphia.

My apologies for the long ramblings!



You belong here.
3 years

Panic attack about kink

Avatar
MitchHedberg   Canada
Joined 11 years
qtpie8124:
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.

So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.

How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?

Feedmesqueezeme:
I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.

It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.

I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.


Would really love to hear about how your quality of life changed once you started regularly exercising and eating healthier foods. Also curious if it helped with any weight related issues (if you even had any that is).
2 years