General

I don't think it is a fetish that hurts a relationship. I think it is a couple of other things:

Someone has to be honest with themselves about what they want. This is really hard for many people. We all know people who have bought into what they feel like they should want, and have tried to deny their real desires. If they can't be honest (even with themselves) about that, then the next point isn't possible.

They need to communicate openly and honestly with their partner (or potential partner) about what they want, what they need - not limited to fetish, but how they want to live their lives.

Not everyone figures this all out at the same time in life, and of course people do change over time, which is why many people drift apart. But often people find themselves together without thinking about any of this, and just get caught up in the moment.

My point is that it's not unique to being a feedee or any other sort of kink - it is just unfortunate when it this kind of disparity happens. Bananapancakes put it really well, though - it is only one aspect out of many in a relationship, and everyone must make their own choice regarding whether a relationship is doing them more good than harm.

Best of luck to you, whichever route you choose!

I've had my thoughts about that sometimes, had a past partner where the relashionship was close and loyal, I confessed my kink and problems with it when she commented about her weight gain . She was supportive for me confessing and understood but she wasn't into that, I said that's fine because there was a point where I was comfortable who I was with and see myself a future with her, without the kink.

.... Good times 😥.

I wonder if your partner would be open to learning more about fatphobia and diet culture? From my view, I would be horrified if someone sincerely believed you were not allowed to gain weight. After all, you have a body, and sometimes they do that. Often times, for no reason at all. I think some education on diet culture and the way our culture vilifies and shames fat bodies could potentially be eye opening to be more accepting? I listen to the podcast Food Psych, which is all about eating disorders and fat acceptance. It’s a very understanding and gentle show and it was a crucial turning point for me to start letting go of a lot of internalized diet culture beliefs that were causing me to starve myself and think I was somehow inferior because I had fat on my body. Personally, I couldn’t be with someone who was thin at all, because I know I just wouldn’t be able to maintain a sex life. I’ve tried, we’re still great friends, but we weren’t sexually compatible and that’s okay. I wish you luck!