I was an avid weightlifter, dieter and exerciser. I had a serious fatphobia for myself but I always found fat guys attractive. Paradoxically to the fatphobia, in the back of my mind I wanted to look like them. After I had shoulder surgery, and later on, back surgery, I couldn’t work out the way I liked to and started gaining.
As I was gaining I liked the way I looked. I remember being in a dept. store, seeing myself in a mirror and noticing my belly stretching the polo shirt I was wearing. I actually liked how I looked rocking a belly.
Long story short, I wavered many times about gaining. I’m 5’6” and eventually got up to 245 lbs. My goal was 250-260, maybe more. But I unintentionally lost about 30 lbs last year and am trying to gain again, but I’m stuck at 215-220.
What’s probably holding me back is I can’t afford new clothes. I’m in loose 42 waist pants, my shirts are roomy, so I do have room to grow.
I just got to like being fat.
3 years