Gaining

I have dreamed of gaining huge amounts for years and sometimes I am really leaning into it for a few weeks. That's how I added the last 40 lbs in the last 2 years but every time the weight gain seems to speed up I get scared of it getting out of control while I am on my own. Finding a feeder as a girl into girls isn't easy, so I doubt that will be happening and I really wanna get going. I would be very thankful for any advice on how to get over that fear of being judged and losing control while still being able to gain a lot without a feeder.

Personally I’m not into gaining because I feel that it would be difficult to do so much stuff and would risk my health, I’m more into temporary bloats and feeling really full.
You, however, don’t need to worry about what anyone thinks. If your wanting to gain and enjoy a fat body, you can. No one can tell you otherwise, and you wouldn’t let anyone discourage you. If you know the risks, and know this is definitely what you want but you are questioning it because of societies standards for girls/health/bodies, then your right, a boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you that you shouldn’t give up and to feed you endlessly is exactly what you need. I don’t think you should give up, follow your dreams, do what makes you feel good and happy.

You want to be fat. At some point you're going to realize that whatever you do with your life somebody is going to judge you for it. When you reach that point you can either fold to the pressure or say fuck 'em and do what makes you happy.
I won't say it'll be easy, there are a lot of fools who think they know what's best for you. You'll just have to learn that their opinions don't matter. Living your best life tends to tick people off, but I'm sure you already know about that.

Yeah you guys are right. I am just kinda insecure in general and tend to worry to much whether the people in my environment approve of my lifestyle but I also know the desire won't go away and has only been growing stronger. It's just really hard not to get scared again