Fat experiences

Now I know this is a feederism forum where we talk about gaining and stuffing, but this feels related enough and I hope to be welcomed with useful feedback and not be told to take my thoughts elsewhere.

I’m confused right now. I’ve had my belly fetish my whole life and have hid it for most of it, and been roughly ashamed because of how my family/girlfriend has responded to it. I understand their POV though. I feel lost and it’s affecting my real lifestyle. I want to give in because I feel like I’ve been given a fetish to love and be attracted to, but it comes with a heap of problems that I’m not sure I can deal with right now. I want to focus and do my damndest in college, I want a high work ethic, I want to make the best damn decisions I possibly can, but actively forcing myself away from my fetish stresses me the fuck out, but when I give in I’m constantly anxious and stressed and... if I try to gain or bloat myself, I feel horrible later on, like eating junk food and feeling heavy doesn’t have a good outcome later on. Not only that, but I kinda feel like it adds to my laziness or my procrastination. It doesn’t make me motivated to work towards my goals I have in life. I see people who workout actively and look great and healthy... but that’s where I question myself. Is what I’m doing really worth it?

I’m so fucking stuck right now, and I don’t know why I’m writing about this on a fetish website. I guess I’m hoping to find some advice on how I can set myself back on my path or look for validation. Thank you if you’ve read this far, sorry it’s so long.

I think that the stress you're feeling is extremely understandable in your situation. It seems like you have pretty high standards for yourself (something I know all to well) which makes it really difficult to deal with the already difficult task of accepting sexual preferences that "deviate from the norm".

As hard as it is it might be to swallow, I am very confident in saying you can actively try and "force yourself away from this fetish" with all your might, but it's not going anywhere. I spent years trying to ignore my feelings and trying to convince myself that I could "get away from this." It doesn't work like that though, and in the end, that's really because it's a part of you. With that being said, I really really can relate to the stress your feeling in these circumstances.

I promise you though, if you find a way to manage the stress for the time being and give yourself the space to be open with yourself, that you likely won't always be this overwhelmed. You're already posting on this website which means at some level you're already working towards a level of self-acceptance. As you keep working through this process you'll get more comfortable with what you like and will be able to set aside unrealistic expectations more and more and see it in an unbiased light.

Having this fetish doesn't mean "you are doomed to be lazy." Having this fetish doesn't mean "you can't find a girlfriend who loves you for who you are." Having this fetish doesn't mean "you can't excel in your studies." It doesn't mean any of those things, or any of the other million things your anxiety is telling you it means. It's just an attraction like any other, another part of a perfectly normal and healthy sexuality.

Sending you positive vibes to get through this stressful time! Relax! Have a snack haha

Why is it young people have such a hard time dealing with things?
Am I just insensitive or am I wrong?
The people around you aren't into it so not much you can do about that.
You will be out on your own soon hopefully so what your family thinks really doesn't matter
Girlfriends come and go so you may end up with one that has no problem with your fetish.
Don't get all stressed out over it in 5 years you will be a lot different a person because you will have matured a little and gotten to the point you don't care what they think.

Yep, you nailed it.

Often you think you are an adulr, but when you examine it, you are not.

This not to pick on anyone, cause it certainly applied to me!

You will become more secure in your idenity and desires as you reach maturity!

I hope I didn't come off as being critical and bashing you I was being honest because I have been there.
Lots of people now are too sensitive and take things so personally that if you say anything they don't like they get all defensive even if what they are reading is the truth and what they need to hear.
At 17 I thought I knew it all so I left home to play music. I got a rude wake up call and found out I knew nothing about being an adult or being on my own.
When I reached 21 I was a totally different person. In what I thought my outlook on life everything was almost 180 degrees different of how I used to be.
The main thing is be flexible and don't get stressed out. If people don't agree with you don't worry about it its no big deal they have a right to disagree because its a free country.
You believe what you want so they can believe what they too.

this is really great perspective and advice, ditzy.

as an old guy now, i can attest the level of change that ditzy talks about is common... and not just between 17 and 21, but for me those changes continued.

my perspective is, it's a journey. when you're young you don't have that perspective, so you take the "now" (pretty much all you know) way more seriously than you probably should.

my advice: do whatever you need to do to reduce your stress (first and foremost) and concentrate on the things that you want to learn and experience. if that requires distancing yourself from anyone (including your gf), do it. ditzy was right - you can't imagine the connections to come over the next 10 years!

most of all - don't live you life because of what others will think. we've all been there, and most of us will tell you, life gets much, much more fulfilling when you start living life for yourself.

best of luck!

If I throw my hat in the ring, I would suggest trying to find that balance between working hard at school and giving yourself the “release” of indulging in your kink. I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive, although the balance might be hard to strike where you are.
I think it’s unhealthy to suppress your sexuality (which, as someone who used to be super religious and went to a super religious college, been there done that lmao) but it’s also unhealthy to give up trying in school, obviously. Just as an example in looking for compromise (and this may not apply for you): is there any way in school that you push yourself the “extra mile” that might be adding on a considerable amount of extra stress, that could be afforded to be cut out without sacrificing something major? And in conjunction with that, can you put a little more structure into your time spent “indulging”? Perhaps you like to bloat, etc whenever the spirit moves you, and then before you know it you’ve wasted the time you needed to write that paper. Can you build something of a schedule around it; like “I will do as I please after 7 pm on Friday and Saturday nights but my other evenings are for spending time on school work/with friends”? Is that realistic? As a college kid I found making a rigorous schedule for myself to be useful. (Although in all fairness I wasn’t wrestling with kink things this strongly at the time, because again, sexual repression and all that fun stuff).

You are a good, hard worker and a person with a particular kink. Balancing them is going to be a challenge for you; sometimes you will do great at it, and sometimes you will slip up. Try to give yourself some grace in telling yourself “I’m doing my best”, and that “best” can look different on different days. Some days your best will be at 100%, some days it will be 125%, some days it will be at 65%.

Now your family will probably eventually settle into accepting that they can’t change you esp as old as you are. As for your girlfriend, do *not* try to force participating in any of this on her if she’s not comfortable with it. (Both of you need to show equal respect for each other’s feelings!) Provided that no one is pressuring the other like that, if you two want to stay together she will also eventually have to accept this about you, and it just stays separate from your intimate time with her. Perhaps compromise here is possible too- does she have a kink that you don’t share with her? If you’re both agreeable to it, “exchanging” helping the other indulge in their kinks can be a warm way to show you care. If she’s intolerant of even knowing that about you... that outlook is pretty grim. But it doesn’t mean that you won’t find anyone into that stuff in the future (or someone who at least accepts it, which is the case with me and my partner); that’s why websites like this exist after all. If things don’t work out for you, you aren’t alone.

But the thing I really would ask you to consider is seeing if you can talk with a psychologist. Your school should have counselors; or there are conventional therapists; or even apps like BetterHelp, that have that added layer of anonymity that the Internet provides. And you can ask for someone who specializes in confusion over sexuality.

And just in case no one has told you this: you are valid, your struggle is valid, and you can find a solution if you keep looking for/fighting for the balance between the forces in your life.

All fantastic responses and I hope they can help you navigate thru all that you are dealing with at the moment.
On the girlfriend situation I will say girls are very controlling of their boyfriends they will try to "groom" you to be the person they want you to be which is potential husband material.
Girls will test you everyday to see how much you can take emotionally.
I say this because like many girls I did those things.I ended up learning that was the wrong way to keep a guy.
Just remember if she is the same age as you she is just starting out too and learning as she goes just like you she is just as confused as you are she just will never show or admit it. Ask me again how I know it? LOL.
Again like others have said give yourself some space add some "you time" where you can be yourself and indulge in tour kink privately.
If your GF or family don't give you space tell them
you need some space and take it anyway.
They don't need to know what you do with your space and you don't need to tell them.
Try to not mention your kink to them because we know its out of the normal to them and they will never totally get it so don't force it on them.
The less you talk about it they less they will associate it with you.
Still indulge on your own time to keep your fantasies and kinks alive and enjoyable.

Thank you!! All of that is so reassuring and helpful! I appreciate it greatly to realize I should accept myself rather than fight what is apart of me. I hope you accept yourself as well, I appreciate all the help and kind words so much!