General

I dont masturbate. I dont really know how to tbh. Im not asexual as I defiantly get turned on by others but masturbation has also felt weird for me. Also I am a virgin. Is this normal?

When I was 17 everyone was worried I was a virgin (this is actually really weird looking back) but I didn't start feeling sexual until 21 or 22 really. And at 34 I'm still learning and exploring and having new types of experience.

Asexuality is actually a big spectrum, so it’s possible you might be somewhere on that. I’m demisexual and I have a similar but opposite experience. I always masturbated since I was a child and because it was just a habit from so far back, it doesn’t read very much as a sexual thing for me, I do experience something I call an orgasm, but it doesn’t really line up with what others have described. I enjoy penetrative sex with a partner (assuming I LIKE the partner, casual hookups hurt my vagina and it’s no fun) but I don’t have orgasms. This isn’t because I’ve had bad or inattentive partners, either, it just doesn’t happen and I’m fine with that. I don’t need an orgasm to enjoy the intimacy of the experience. All that said, I still have a fetish, which always confused me because it’s so at odds with the rest of my sexual identity. I think there’s a lot of layers to it. I think a lot of it is that I was always attracted to fat bodies, like I remember thinking Fiona was cuter as an ogre as a little kid, but as I got older I learned that fat was bad and shameful, developed an eating disorder, and I forgot that part of me, but it still came up in overwhelming ways no matter how hard I tried to suppress it. As I learned more about it and accepted it more and more as a part of my identity and let it be a valid thing, it stopped being overwhelming and just became an aesthetic that I like and now realize I always liked. So all that to say, sexual identity is big and varied, you don’t have to worry about what the mainstream story about what sexuality is to define yourself. It’s a vast and beautiful spectrum and no ones identity fits into the perfect little boxes our culture has sanctioned. Labels can be helpful for finding deeper understanding/connectivity with others/validation, but they can also be limiting if you think you have to fall perfectly in alignment with what the label says. There’s no one way you have to be, your experience is yours alone and that’s what makes it special.

Is it uncommon? Yes. But it is not strange, odd, or abnormal. Take all the time you need to figure things out, don’t worry about any of the social norms, you do you.

There seems to be a lot of good feedback on this thread. It's absolutely not something you should be embarrassed about, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who admires you for coming foraward.

This is a very appropriate, even if difficult thing to bring up with a professional health care provider. While I have healthcare experience in a field that can address similar concerns. I cannot offer you medical advice of any kind, of course.

Frankly, if it doesn't affect your ability to enjoy life in the manner you desire then it really doesn't matter and shouldn't get in the way of being the best, happiest, and healthiest you.

It could possibly indicate other underlying medical conditions about which you and your primary care doctor might be concerned, and is definitely worth mentioning to your doctor as a point of fact, and not necessarily as a problem to be solved. You're doctor might ask you questions about this. It may be hard not to feel shy or even just a little embarrassed with this. Remember, the physiological ability to function in that capacity is just that, strictly physiological. Physiology is the scope of your general practitioner's practice. You may or may not chose to explore possible physical causes through tests or assessments your doctor might suggest. In any case, this would be the first step, and in any case this could be a matter of physical health and your doctor should be aware of it.

If you rule out physiological causes with your doctor and choose to pursue futher assessment or treatment consider getting a referral from your doctor to an Occupational Therapist with experience in sex therapy (lol, no sex involved or expected). If your doctor can't recommend one, just get a general OT referral. Then call your state board of occupational therapy to see if there is an OT in your area who might be appropriate, or contact any OT on your insurance. If they can't help you they can find an OT who can. An OT can help you identify and overcome potential barriers including but not limited to physical difficulties to help allow you to meet personally meaningful goals regarding your ability to engage in personally meaningful sexual activity which can include areas like masturbation.

My background is in OT, so I've got a better idea of who does what within the medical system. Sexual is an area of practice within that field

Apart from that, this is also an appropriate subject to discusd with a psychiatrist, or therapist. In any case it's best to start with your doctor.

If anyone has any similar or more specific concerns regarding their ability to fulfill their expected sexual role. I can find an OT for you and get things started (I receive and expect nothing for this) I'd be very happy to PM, regarding any concerns like this, and do not discriminate.

Here's a helpful link from the American Occupational Therapy Association:
www.aota.org/About-Occupational-Therapy/Professionals/RDP/Sexuality.aspx

Your profile says you are 32 and not 19.
Are you asking for someone else?.
Never let someone push you into anything just let the sexual experience happen naturally.
I was 18 my first time.

Yea im confused. You know everyone can look at your profile right? 🤔 out side of that j agree with everything said here.

I am almost 30 and never have so XD

Thank you

As someone who IS asexual, i once had a dream a man touched my shoulder and puked. The thought of people touching me sexually physically makes me SICK. I am sex REPULSED. That is by definition asexual. I used a sex toy and felt NOTHING. I did end up in the ER though as i was magically allergic to it. Fun .

Asexuality is REAL and VALID.

I never had horniness, i never once felt that. Not once. I never felt "Extra wet" down there moreso than the usual or the monthly time. I never looked at anyone or anything and felt myself want them in any way .

Asexuality is REAL . Just because you are hedonistic and cannot fathom the lack of sexuality doesn't mean it does NOT exist. ***.