Fat experiences

Every time I got to a milestone weight, I never got the feeling that I was as big as I would have imagined myself as being. When I got up to 200, it felt satisfying knowing that I was at my heaviest at the time, but I didn't feel like I was *that* big. Same for 250, 300, etc.

I was just tired of being skinny and always feeling sickly.
Gaining weight helped to get me to a healthier place.

I can remember wanting to get fat even as a little kid. But got presdured to believe that was wrong. I felt weird when I lost weight, and guilty for gaining it back. Recently, I just started to forget to eat and I felt really sad, this resulted in a pretty shocking weight loss and a pretty scary medical event. That's when I finally accepted that I was a fat person. I reached out for help to get me eating again and found a wonderful and caring feeder who's been helping me tremendously. I've always dreamed of being at least three hundred pounds and now that I'm making progress in that direction I'm feeling really good, and much more like myself again.

How I decided to get fat... some twists and turns.

I was a weightlifter and fitness buff. I ran and mountain biked. I dieted and wanted that athletic physique. I came to see I’d never become a ripped bodybuilder so I switched to powerlifting.

After a couple injuries and surgeries (rotator cuff, lumbar fusion) which oddly were not from the gym, I stopped working out. I started gaining weight. For a long time I fantasized about being fat... really fat. I was getting turned on at first by chunky guys, then moderately overweight then downright fat, even obese guys. I wanted to be like them. I still do.

So I tried it, gained, lost, liked it, hated it, gained again, back and forth. I got up to 245 lbs at 5’6”, size 44 pants and 53” belly. I imagine myself at about 260-270, maybe more, size 46-48 pants, my belly 57-58, even 60”. I lost about 35 lbs but I’m gaining again. The only thing holding me back is clothes. I’m in size 42 pants now, and I’d love to see my belly hang over. My shirts are getting snug in the belly again.

I actually have another condition which extends my belly. It kind of makes me look a bit chubby, but there's a weird imbalance between that and everything else. So part of this is me wondering what it would look like, if that balance were fixed. I've had varying degrees of success, but I almost always get thwarted by one thing or another. I've managed to get into clinical overweight territory, but the more underlying condition quickly dropped my weight.

I've also been into this whole fat thing for about as long as I remember. Curiosity turned to arousal, and now it's at the point where, if my husband is losing weight, then I might as well continue try to pack on. It's a very upward battle for me though.

Oh, I'd almost forgotten: This is also a way for me to transition. See, I can't do hormones in the traditional sense, at least not pills or injections. So I have to basically shape my body from the outset. Not exactly the way I'd like to go about it, but at least I'm getting curvier!