Lifestyle tips

I’m sure this has been asked a billion times but want some fresh opinions. Hopefully put it in the right forum.

So I started dating this guy 7 month ago; he’s the first fat dude I’ve ever even gone on a date with. Anyway 7 months has been bliss completely down for anything with him.

But anyway he’s about 350lbs I’d guess. He used to be 400+ but got down to about 280 a couple of years ago. I know he wants to get back to that and lose even more weight, he’s said it many times. He’s quite self conscious and clearly doesn’t enjoy being fat.

But... I find him sexy as fuck. Would like him a bit squishier/ heavier if I got the chance. But so scared to tell him; I don’t wanna mess things up. I’m in love with him.

Don’t get me wrong. I kiss his belly/ give him full body massages, tell him he’s gorgeous all the time and buy him food treats pretty much everytime I see him; but I don’t think he’s clicked on.

Feederism isn’t a deal breaker for me. So maybe it’s better just to keep quiet and keep going as we are?

It depends on how you word it. If you keep touching his fat, and tell him how much it turns you on, it might be a problem. If you tell him you don't mind larger men, then it might make him feel more comfortable.

I suggest you broach this subject very carefully, if you do at all. No one here is going to know the situation as well as you do. While his perspective on this would be interesting, I would NOT recommend showing him this web site just yet. Perhaps it might be easier when you stay with him for longer.

Maybe he'll come around, but you know, maybe he won't. In spite of very significant strides in fat acceptance in recent years, particularly within the last 20 years and especially within the last 10 years, there's still a significant degree of fat-phobia out there, and still a desire by many to be thin. I also notice you're in the UK, which isn't quite as far along in fat acceptance as the US, at least not yet though I think it'll get there. But even though I live in the US, and live in what's likely one of the more fat-friendly areas of the US too, I'm still quite nervous about mentioning feederism explicitly.

While it seems unfortunate for you that he's unhappy with his size, what's unclear is why. Has he ever told you why? The why is important. It's possible some of his concerns might be less of a big deal than he thinks, or aren't there.

At least it seems you're interested in him whether he's into this sort of thing or not.

There is one fear of mine I see here, though sincerely I hope it's not the case. That he both hates his size yet seems unable/unwilling to do what's needed to get down to where he might rather be. I also notice you're no skinny-mini yourself. Of course, I find that lovely but that's not the point. The fear I have is he decided to get into a relationship with a large woman when the opportunity presented itself, maybe because he thinks he can't have a relationship with a thin/skinny woman? I really hope this is way off base. Please tell me it is.

One could just as easily ask "is it fair to NOT tell someone you’re into their large size; even if you know they’re not happy being fat."

I think it is wrong and unfair to both people involved to keep this to yourself. If you are a fat admirer, you should be willing to admit it. Both with your words and with your deeds. Since you are also fat, being a skinny with a fat partner is not an issue you need to deal with.

Feederism and intentional gaining are a whole other issue although obviously closely related. I agree with others who said you really don't need to get into this part maybe ever (people have their personal fantasies that they keep to themselves).

It seems you want to continue to be fat and to be with someone who is also fat. That is your right if it is what you need to be happy and fulfilled, and you just need the other person on board. Seems you are fine with him staying in the 300-350 range and that seems reasonable. You may feel that you are in love, and that is great, but just remember when you no longer are turned on by your spouse (like if your guy got down under 200 lbs), that is generally the beginning of the end......

Except she is also fat, so she shares the risk of weight-related health problems. This is the iron clad FA approach - be fat yourself and you are in it with them in every way. This idea appeals to me more and more as time goes on (I wish I could go back 30 years and take this approach)

ETA: I mean I wish I had the same 'mutual gainer' drive then that I feel now. To share so much wonderful eating experiences that resulted not in inches, but feet added to our waistlines.

your arguments seem really out of place here. are you sure you didn't mean to log into some 3rd wave feminist/intersectional-wacko website, rather than the feederism site we are on here ??

whatever - I am going on 23 years marriage with the same BBW, so must not be so toxic. Your problem is that you need to rediscover your gonads and follow their lead instead of being a little punk! That's not to say a man shouldn't treat a lady with the appropriate respect. It's called walking and chewing gum at the same time, the thing your kind (mentally addled) has a lot of trouble with.

Here's what I can tell you from experience: almost nothing good ever comes from not being truthful about how you feel with someone you love or care about.

It sounds like you and this fellow have established a good relationship so far. Having control over one's own body, health and fitness is a human right, and it sounds as though you are respectful of this. That's all very good.

However, you have a right to feel what you feel, and its important to be honest about it - at the very least be honest with yourself. I would contend that if you really care about this person and you see yourself having a future with them, then it's important that you be honest with them too. Just remember, forever is a mighty long time, especially when you carry the burden of a secret.

So imagine this: you're alone together, maybe snuggled up on the sofa or something, you're rubbing his belly and you tell him something like, "Hey, I just want you to know that I support you losing weight if you want to, because your health and happiness are important to me. But just so you will know, I have always been attracted to larger and heavier men, and I think you're perfect just the way you are. I think you're gorgeous and you'd be gorgeous at any size, but just so you're aware: even if you got bigger than you are now, I'd still be very attracted to you. In fact, I think I would like it a lot. How do you feel about that?"

Then just listen, let him tell you how he feels. You won't have to wonder or try and guess. Whatever he says, you will have to accept, but at least then you'll both know exactly what you're dealing with.