qtpie8124:
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.
So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.
How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?
Feedmesqueezeme:
I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.
It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.
I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.
So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.
How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?
Feedmesqueezeme:
I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.
It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.
I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.
Would really love to hear about how your quality of life changed once you started regularly exercising and eating healthier foods. Also curious if it helped with any weight related issues (if you even had any that is).
2 years
