Gaining

Hello! I'm a short, skinny guy (30M) who has always been interested in being bigger. I finally did a test gain of ~30lb during the lockdowns although it somehow didn't look/feel like that much. I really enjoyed it and my partner didn't seem to mind, but I got spooked at the idea of returning to the office so I dropped most of it. At the same time, I started lifting because I refused to go back to being tiny. I've been doing that for about a year and I've made decent progress which does feel good, but I just really don't enjoy it. Lately, I've been seriously thinking about stopping lifting and finally getting properly chubby - probably aiming for something like 50-60lb (BMI ~30).

Some of my main concerns are:

1. How can I bring this up to my long-term partner? I didn't tell him much of anything when I did the test gain, but I really should talk to him this time. I feel like there's a fine line between telling him too little/too much so I want to go into that conversation with a plan and make sure that this wouldn't be a deal breaker.

2. Would it be better (mitigate reactions) to wait until Fall to gain so I can hide under sweaters, or should I start now so that it is a more visible, but gradual change? I'm not too concerned about reactions except maybe from family, but I'd still like to avoid it as much as possible.

3. How can I prepare for reactions? I've always been varying degrees of underweight so it will be noticed for sure. Having put on some muscle right before all this might have made it a little worse too.

I'd really appreciate any advice or insights that you can offer.

In my case I always wanted to be fat and I am very pleased that I took steps to achieving it. If you are born a gainer, you are a gainer whatever weight you are. So I would try to achieve your ambitions. I would not raise it with your partner until the topic comes up. If you are in a secure relationship, this should not threaten it.

You will not be able to conceal weight gain which gives you a BMI of around 30, borderline obese, so I would start whenever you feel like it.

People will notice and that for me was part of the pleasure. When they say you have put on weight, just agree. It was more difficult with my family, my mother in particular, but you just have to roll with it. I am the only morbidly obese person in my immediate family. Once you are obese people may notice but they usually keep their observations to themselves as they feel you have a real problem.

Thank you for the advice!

You are probably right about me overthinking coworkers’ reactions. Most of my colleagues are quite fit/health-minded so I would stand out, but they are good people who will probably drop the subject once I assure them that I’m doing well. I have a certain family member who is going to be tricky though.

I see your point that the gain would eventually be noticeable and the reactions will come whether I delay it or not. I do think that being able to cover up a bit with a sweater might give me some peace of mind and keep me from feeling quite so exposed while I adjust. That said, if I decide to do this then I really won’t want to wait another half a year so it might just have to be trial by fire.

I have also always wanted this, but it just wasn’t possible due to metabolism and some appetite issues. I do plan to talk to my partner about this before I do anything. I think that he’ll be supportive but if it is a deal breaker, then I want to know that ahead of time because I would pick him over gaining.

Unfortunately, that most likely isn’t a part of the pleasure for me. I’ll probably try to give dead-end responses and change the topic as fast as possible. Do you happen to have any tips for prying mothers?

“Understanding why you want to gain in my opinion is very important.” That’s an interesting point. It’s something that I’ve wanted even since early childhood, but I can’t really say why. These days, it’s mostly an aspect of my sexuality which may or may not be a good enough reason to make this kind of change, but I have the feeling that there would also be a sort of self-actualization. If nothing else, gaining weight is the only way that I’ll truly know if this is what’s best for me. I think I owe it to myself to find out after all these years of fantasizing.

Thanks again everyone for the advice!

I took the first step and told my partner everything. Overall, it went pretty well. He's not into it which is to be expected, but he's not against it either. I showed him a picture of the body type that I have in mind and he had no problem with it. He doesn't understand this but he'll support me in exploring it. I feel very lucky and relieved.