Agreement with those who’ve posted above here. Additionally, this…
johutt:
Well I don't want to be fat. I don't want my friends and family to judge me.
People judge All. The. Time, whether consciously or otherwise. None of us can control other people. We can only (mostly) control ourselves and how we interact with/react to other people and the inevitable judgements. They’re judging you right now, perhaps favorably, so you’re less aware of it. It’s a personal decision what you do or do not do with others’ judgements.
I can't identify with the though of being big. I want others to still find me attractive.
Physically attractive? Personality? Other attributes? On the physical aspect, decades of witnessing others has shown me that fatness or lack thereof changes which specific individuals find a person attractive or unattractive (actually a continuum), but not really the number or percentage of people finding someone attractive anywhere on that fatness continuum.
Having written that, for many of us for many reasons, finding someone/ones for love and/or sex and/or whatever is challenging. I don’t think it has to do with fatness per se.
I could get fat, enjoy it at the fullest for a while and then go back. But then I read stories here about people having the most hard time losing weight, regains and addiction. Honestly goals, so hot lol, but scary. I want to be able to go back.
Not a medical/health expert here, just someone who’s been in this community for decades reading things, and has been over-exposed to medical information related to my personal survival. Everything i’ve read is that greater fatness is a one-way trip unless a person dedicates every day of life to counteracting natural tendencies. Specifically, last i read, once fat cells are created or expanded (i‘m not sure how that works), they never go away. You can empty them out, but they’re still there, and can refill easily the next time the body thinks it has to save up for what it considers the next famine.
Far and away the safest from what you’ve shared here is maybe going all-in on padding. I myself only do low-end “stuff pillows in and we’re done” padding. You might want to look into full-tilt cosplay/movie/video/TV fat suit high-end as realistic as possible padding. That for sure is 100% reversible. You might join the other padders here and elsewhere in the community raising padding to a higher level of awesome.
I'm exhausted of being conflicted with my urges to outgrow all my clothes and my rational part of the brain saying no not for you. A kink should be something you enjoy, not feel anxious about. Can I just get rid of this? Force myself stop thinking about it. Or will I be conflicted and confused until I finally give in?
I've gained around 10lbs during christmas. It feels exciting, but also bad. I just want to feel good.
1) Suggest
loving the 10 pound gain you already have, with every drop of your passion for fatness. Maybe that’s real-world enough.
2) Feeling good is a personal issue apart from fatness, with which after decades of all kinds of therapy and many other things i still personally struggle. Fatness may be a factor and even pivotal (is for me), but there’s likely a whole lot else going on there. Deep diving into that, in whatever way(s) work for you, may prove informative and beneficial to your overall life.
Best Wishes finding your personal balance and best life!