Lifestyle tips

Hi All,

Ever since discovering I have this fetish (10+ years ago) I have always struggled with accepting it. Whether it be because of societal norms or a clash with my own non-sexual ideals, I always felt like something was wrong with me. Only recently, through therapy, I have realised that it's not something I can wean myself out of, and that I need to learn how to come to terms with feederism being in my life... for my whole life.

When boiling it down one of the main issues is opening up to a long term partner about this particular kink, and if they are not into it how this affects the relationship going forwards. In my pessimistic mindset I struggle to see how it would work as people are very judgemental nowadays, but I wondered if anyone here had some advice/experience in this situation?

Are you currently in a relationship with someone long-term? If not, the best advice I'd give is don't waste energy worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. If you are in a relationship with someone, and you both truly care for one another, then you need to be honest with that person and tell them how you truly feel.

When it comes down to it, feedism or any fetish is a deeply imprinted part of who we are, but that's all it is -- a part. It's not the whole, we are so much more than this. Love between two people is a complex thing; we learn to love a partner for their strengths and we learn to accept their weaknesses, and in time we come to love them for all that they are.

In seeking out a partner, ideally we try and find someone we are compatible with in as many ways as possible, including all manner of sexuality. A potential partner may not be as fully immersed into this fetish as you or someone else might be, but if they are open minded enough and you have a strong enough emotional foundation, then I truly believe it is possible to have a strong relationship and share a sexual connection with that person.

Relationships are hard, no matter who you are. Introducing something like this can make things more complicated, no doubt about it, but it isn't a curse or a cross to bear. With the right person, it can be a wonderful experience to share. Not only do you need to find someone who is open to accepting all that you are, but YOU have to be open as well: open to accepting yourself (which it sounds like you've been working on - good!) open to giving and receiving love, and open to accepting the perceived "flaws" quirks and other personality traits of others. You've got to know your boundaries, what you can and cannot accept for yourself, and you've got to be ready to experience a journey and share your life with someone else. Nothing worth having will come easy, and no strong relationship was built overnight. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and open yourself up to what the universe has in store for you.

I wish you the best of luck!

ljrockarts and Blimp Bizkit gave awesome answers.

As has been stated, finding a partner who is a delight to be around even outside the bedroom should probably be your first priority. However, I do think that I have an easier time saying this because ethical non-monogamy has been a good match for me. When I came out as a feeder to the person whom I now consider my life partner, they accepted my tastes non-judgementally--which was an immense relief, as I, like you, agonized about rejection as a result of this confession.

In the end, they said they weren't interested in the kink for varying reasons, and this was disappointing, but easier to accept because I knew that they weren't my only chance to find a feedee. Ultimately, my relationship with them has flourished despite not sharing this kink because we connect in other ways. In addition, that they know that I have this kink and are still accepting of me makes me feel like I have a place in this world.

There's something immensely liberating about being seen for what I am and loved regardless of the things about which I have agonized and even hated myself for. I can count on one hand the number of people I know IRL who know I have this kink, and my partner is one of them--they might even be the only one, if I remember correctly. But that there is at least one person who doesn't judge me for my kink is helping me build the confidence to tell future partners as I continue dating.

My perspective might be niche, as ENM isn't exactly widely practiced, but I think the takeaway is this:

If you have a genuine connection to someone, and if part of why you love each other is because you both have been accepting of actual flaws and shortcomings even as you find ways to celebrate the things that make you each beautiful, then telling them that you have an odd kink will not destroy your relationship, especially if you are both committed to communication and respectful of each other's boundaries.

I think this advice is applicable even outside of the context of kink or romantic/sexual relationships. Be honest. Be kind. Be respectful. I doubt you would be happy in a relationship with a judgemental person regardless of whether this kink was a factor. Kindness is the most attractive trait of all. You'll seek it in others. Let them find it in you.

For me, acceptance came with realizing that genuinely obese people need love and can be happy too.

Some fat people aren't "health emergencies" or tragic cases. They're just... huge. And waiting for love and admiration. And maybe a little help getting out of the tub ~___^

She couldn't stop gaining weight no matter what. Her mom actually gave up on her finding love. I was the first boyfriend she ever brought home. Mom was a little mad at me, because she knew I was encouraging her daughter to get even fatter. But she embraced it eventually because she realized me being a feeder made her daughter happier than ever before, and allowed her to be confident and enjoy her life.