Fattening others

My girlfriend is very skinny, but only because she is as lazy as she is unhealthy. It’s common for her to eat fast food and even whole pints of ice cream in one sitting, but she manages to stay skinny because she also skips meals because she’s too lazy to cook.

She moved in with me a few months ago, and since I do all the cooking she hasn’t skipped a meal. I also keep snacks well stocked, and she eats 4-5 pints of ice cream a week.

Needless to say, she’s gained a bit of weight, though she hasn’t said anything about it yet.

It’s it ethical for me to keep enabling her weight gain like this?

I'm opposed to stealth feeding (where you cause someone to gain against their will by tricking them or tempting them) but this case is in a grey area.

You aren't deceiving her, and for all you know she may be okay with gaining. So it's not technically stealth feeding.

Indeed, she may want to gain but is afraid to bring it up because she doesn't want to rock the boat; just as you are afraid to bring it up for the same reason.

Personally I think it would be much better to communicate openly about this. People often gain weight without meaning to and feel bad about it. She might also be worried that you're going to complain about her weight gain. If you clear the air, things might go better for both of you.

But even if you are reluctant to be completely honest, please let her know that you like her new curviness. She deserves that much support anyway.

Just wondering--do you already think it's unethical?

Like, you made a post asking if it was ethical (implying doubt) and you used the term "enabling", which is kind of a loaded word (to me anyway).

I think the right thing to do is listen to your conscience and not horny brain, ya know?

Personally, I would ask myself questions like "What does it mean to act in my partner's best interest in this scenario?" or "In this situation, what is the best practice regarding consent?" Cuz at the end of the day, it's all about consent.

Ideally, you'd be able to talk openly and honestly about everything involved in your dynamic: your interest in feedism, her eating habits, her weight gain, etc. That said socially systemic effects of fatphobia contribute to varying levels of boundaries/comfort with these topics. It might not be possible to have the ideal conversation.

If you can't have explicit talks about feedism, eating habits, and weight gain, you could still check for consent by discussing grocery buying. "Is there anything else you want me to buy? Or buy more of? Or buy less of/stop buying?" Etc.