Jelly Rolls:
Ever since I was 4 I knew I was different because I liked fat. Up until now I’ve hated myself for it constantly. To me being into this is as emotionally painful as being borderline mentally disabled (my intelligence is a big part of my identity). I’ve suffered lots of depression and anxiety partly caused by non food/weight related childhood trauma and a fair share with food/weight/hating my kink. I’ve considered suicide countless times solely because of hating my kink. I finally feel that I made it to the point where I can tell a therapist after 5 years of extreme self hate from when I realized what made me feel different. I need to come out since I’ve had anorexic thoughts and a strong hatred/fear of fat all my life due to my mom forcing anorexic ideals onto me.
I think there are a lot of people who have struggled with this, and/or combines with eating disorders - myself included. I hope your time here will help you feel less alone, and more understood. Glad you are doing better and able to talk it through. 👍
