Fattening others

This is not healthy relationship behavior. What's he gonna do if you didn't have a fat kink and still put on weight? Nah, this is toxic behavior from him if he's projecting his insecurities onto you.

Reminds me of my mother, a little bit. She and I look a lot alike. As such, she often projected her insecurities onto me even if we had different circumstances. For example, when I was 5'6" and 115 lbs, my mom - then 5'9" and 160 ~ 170 lbs - openly envied my size. When I put on 5 lbs (of muscle no less) and went from underweight to the low end of normal - she went insane and said it was better for me to be 115.

Of course, that's your husband, not your mom. Can't handle things the same way.

If you guys haven't done so, you two need to have a heart to heart. Tell him that you want to gain - that it makes you happy. You understand he doesn't like it, but the way he projects his insecurities onto you makes you feel miserable.

Does he do this with anything else? Or is it just this one thing?)

This was one of the first things I thought of: What if it wasn't something you chose/enjoyed? What if you were miserable and he STILL made you feel bad because of his own issues?

This isn't something you can fix, he's got some work to do, to get through and beyond anything that happened in his past. And I hope he can, that's some baggage that can be difficult and painful. I hope he can be free of it and let you enjoy, or even enjoy this journey with you. ❤️

Hmmmm ... don't like that, beastie.

I have my own traumas. For example, I have abandonment issues. When my feedee and I first met, I had so much anxiety over him leaving me for whatever reason even though he always made me a priority. Even still, I made sure that it was *never* his problem.

Heck, he didn't even *know* about my abandonment issues until we'd been together for a couple of months.

My issues were never his problem. We talked about them. He helped me through them. But I went out of my way to make sure I didn't take my issues out on him.

Hate hearing this. Love needs to be total and unconditional, which includes what makes your mate truly confident and happy. My wife has been north of 300 pounds for years now and we’d have it no other way :-)

Yeah ... I had an abusive childhood. I wouldn't blame society on this one. When I finally started to fill out more most people were pleased or indifferent. It was literally only my mom who was insane like this.

My mom used to be a professional model as a child before later enlisting into the military at 17. She was a vegetarian and extremely underweight. The military made her gain weight so she could go forward with her service.

The magic number they made her gain to? 115 lbs. For her height of 5'9", that was enough to put her on the BMI chart. She was that underweight. However, this was never explained to her. Or maybe it was, and she wasn't paying attention? I dunno.

Time passes. She gets married and has kids. Naturally, she puts on weight - especially once she's been discharged. Still, she wants to go from 5'9" and 170 lbs to 5'9" 115 lbs. Repeated explanations by her husband, friends, and family that this isn't healthy go ignored.

I take after my mother a lot. So much so that people would mistake us for each other when I was younger. So my mom projected her insecurities on me a lot. I had the body she wanted, and she couldn't understand why I wasn't happy.

I nearly developed an eating disorder. The only reason I didn't is that I am a diet controlled diabetic. Not eating consistently is scary and dangerous for people like me. But I do have body dysmorphia. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

I am largely ok now.

Are you happy with him otherwise?

I feel like the line here is bodily autonomy. I'm in a similarish boat in that my wife knows I like bigger women and would be a feeder given half an opportunity, but she isn't into that at all and, in fact has some family induced body image issues too. So I get how much it sucks to not be able to engage with your fetish/preference/desire, but its her body and I respect that. If she wants to diet I support her and I don't push the issue.

That said, this is YOUR body. It should be your decision to make and he needs to respect that. If he isn't able to work through his fatphobia enough to respect what you want to do with your body, that's a problem.