General

Grimalkin999:
I’ve had such bad luck in the dating field that I’m starting to lose hope. I recently started talking to a guy who is a feedee and he lives only three hours away so I was happy we met. We called a few times and everything seemed really good at first, he’d say how happy and excited he was to have met me. But now he’s been super distant and leaves me on delivered for hours or even days. He says he’s just super busy which I can understand but I can’t help but think that’s not the reason because the same thing happened before with the last guy I talked to. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to get attached to him just in case he leaves but I also don’t want to lose something that might be good

Neyu:
If the messages stays on delivered for a few hours, that's totally fine. Maybe he actually has stuff to do. I do at least.

For days however is unlikely that it's him being busy. I think it's either like Munchies said or he is unsure on how or whether he wants the relationship to be. He's wiggling back and forth. Depends on what type of answers he gives.

Like Munchies says. Approach him with this. Ask why it takes so long, and if you feel like it follow up. Say him what you think.
___

But now: I have, hands down, a question I HAVE to ask. Dating isn't hard for women, is it? Especially nowadays. I mean, you don't really have to do anything. Just put up a tinder profile and the men will pile up. The men need to seek out. Then they have to approach. They get way more ''nos'' than ''yeses''. So the men have to continue and do it all over and over. Sometimes they get hurt and have to stand back up. And what is described in the post is no rarity from men's perspective.
If you take finding a girlfriend serious, the time investment is simply put way higher than it should be.

Don't get it wrong. I don't complain!

But I still got a bit triggered reading the post with knowing how it is for men these days. And I don't say women don't go through that. I'm talking about the big, big majority. Which are, by far, men.

And if it somehow really is difficult for women, then I wanna hear every detail. Literally. I wanna know that.

Munchies:
Hoooo boy. That's um ... wow. Um ... so, I understand what you are getting at, but if I woman in this thread tears your head off for what you said, you have it coming.

Dating is hard no matter the gender. Women (cis and trans) struggle all the time.

Mind you, dating is more than just going out to the store and picking out the guy for you. It's finding someone you have a connection with. And that's hard. Women get rejected and friendzoned same as men. It's happened to me tons of times.

And then there are the men that don't suite us. Men that aren't our type, don't share our values, are good men but work better as friends, or are terrible people.

You also have to remember that dating as a woman can be dangerous. Rape, murder, and assult are things ever woman has to worry about. Even moreso for LGBTIQIA+ women and women of color.

So, I understand what you are saying, but I hope you understand how tasteless and entitled you sound.

Neyu:
Alright. I'll quickly get some duct tape to put my head on again afterwards.

Maybe a bit sassy, I'd say. From a man's point of view it isn't excactly tasteless, because the enumeration just reflects reality. Maybe not pretty, but reality. From men's perspective. I don't know how it is as a women. That's why I asked.
But I definitely don't see myself as entitled! In this world, nothing is for free and everything takes work.

Normally I don't do these kinds of posts, which deal with very ''critical'' topics, for which one might get hated as hard as diamonds. On the other hand. Kinda interesting and curiosity wins.

Finding a connection and the matching is obvously the same for men.

I didn't think about the dangerous part though. Mainly because over here it's not nearly as present as in the US and other countries.

Munchies:
Yes. I was sassy. But that is because it's warrented. Think about the situation for a moment.

A woman expressed her dating struggles. You said, and I quote:

"Dating isn't hard for women, is it? Especially nowadays. I mean, you don't really have to do anything. Just put up a tinder profile and the men will pile up. The men need to seek out."

Do you understand how dismissive this sounds? It's essentially saying "Why are you struggling? You're a woman. Women have it easy. Just wait and a guy will come."

Not only is this dismissive, but it strips her of her agency. It's like she's a prize to be won. It also ignores any effort she's putting into finding partner.

And do you really think that Germany doesn't have much of an intimate partner violence problem? Well and truthfully? Compared to literally every other nation in the world?

Neyu:
You're twisting things here and it starts to get nonsense.

I didn't say women have it easy. On the contrary. I even said that they have it difficult too: ''And I don't say women don't go through that.'' (Neyu)

Furthermore, does it not ignore the woman's effort in any way. I didn't even talk about that. I've talked about men and their effort. That has nothing to do with women's effort in the remotest. It's two completely separate things.

And ''she's a price to be won.'' (Munchies) What a messed up way of thinking is this? Like before, I have not said that in any way. You shouldn't make up random things between the lines.

Munchies, you have to read carefully: ''Mainly because over here it's not nearly as present as in the US and other countries.'' (Neyu) I did not say Germany hasn't much intimate partner violence problems. I just said that, in comparison to other countries, it's less present. I'm not even talking about how it is here, but how it is publicly present.

Munchies:

Then why, pray tell, did you get triggered? Why are her dating issues something that bothers you? If it's really a case of women having the same level of difficulty as men, why did you feel compelled to tell her to sign up for Tinder and wait for the men to come to her?

And Germany is, at the very least, comprable to the rest of the world when it comes to intimate partner violence. At least when it comes to the reported issues:

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.dw.com/en/violence-against-women-when-daily-life-becomes-a-nightmare/a-59917129

Now look at the world as a whole

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.dw.com/en/violence-against-women-when-daily-life-becomes-a-nightmare/a-59917129

This doesn't take into detail the countless victims who never report the situation.


To be clear, I do not think you are a bad person. I think you are a person who is reckless with his words. I think you have heard things over your life and internalized them without properly analyzing them either. Which I understand. Most people don't do it unless something forces them to confront it either.

Neyu:
Where do you come up with those questions?

Her dating issues don't bother me. And I never said so. It's an unfortunate situation.

''This doesn't take into detail the countless victims who never report the situation.'' (Munchies) Like I said... how present it is. And from victims who don't report it obviously no one knows about.

Okay. The last one you can't know, because you don't know me. I analyze everything over and over again. I think things through many times. And that's stressful.

Munchies:
I am very curious as to what you think the word "triggered" means? Because it meand you experiences a visceral, emotional response towards something.

Neyu:
Occurrence in response to a stimulus.

Grimalkin999:
I’ve had such bad luck in the dating field that I’m starting to lose hope. I recently started talking to a guy who is a feedee and he lives only three hours away so I was happy we met. We called a few times and everything seemed really good at first, he’d say how happy and excited he was to have met me. But now he’s been super distant and leaves me on delivered for hours or even days. He says he’s just super busy which I can understand but I can’t help but think that’s not the reason because the same thing happened before with the last guy I talked to. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to get attached to him just in case he leaves but I also don’t want to lose something that might be good

Beni:
I kinda feel like the original purpose of this thread is getting lost in this discussion between Munchies and Neyu. I agree with munchies that neyus comment was rude but come on you two can discuss it in private so this thread can actually be used to giving advice to Grimalkin999 and helping her out.

Khatun:
Oh my, I am so tempted to vent! ('Pointing fingers' is not okay, is it?)