Submission and domination

There is this guy I am in touch with on fb, who is just gorgeous. And he seems to like me too: he always likes my pix and sometimes we even sext, although it's more about exchanging flirty messages. However, when commenting fb posts on random groups, he will crack the occasional fat joke, not about me or at anyone else 's expenses, just in general. Ofc, he is married to a really thin girl, but I dont resent him for that. People may fall in love for different reasons and anyway he lives abroad. I am just wondering what could motivate a guy to act with such a lack of consistency. Mind you, my pix are recent and unfiltered because I want people to see the real ME, so he certainly noticed I am a BBW. How can you like some characteristics and at the same time make fun of them? I have slight preference for short guys, but I am nit tempted to make fun of them

He's inconsistent because he's married, insecure, and fatphobic. His own behavior is right there in front of you. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else you know is the butt of the fat joke; they are by definition at the expense of all fat people, and you are one of them so it is also indirectly at your expense. He chooses to devalue people like you publicly for all the same reasons anyone (including and ESPECIALLY many fat fetishists) is fatphobic. Many people who fetishize and/or are attracted to fat bodies are angry about it and so you will see behavior like this.

It has nothing to do with you.

I've had two very distinct situations in my life that reflect what you're experiencing here and I can't stress it enough: he's unavailable and if that changes, it's not going to be because of you trying to do the mental and emotional labor for him.

You do not need to prove your worth to others who choose to openly devalue you. Maybe he really does like you! Maybe he doesn't and he's just confused and frustrated. Him being married makes it even worse and harder on everyone. No one gets out of those situations unscathed. No one!

But facts are facts and it's not your job to read his weak, stale tea leaves.

Girl. This man is traaaaaaash. Don't waste your precious time on him.

He's a married man stepping out on his wife with a woman he doesn't even respect.

Let it go. Let it ride. Find someone else who will love and respect you. Don't settle for the first guy who pays you attention, because not all attention is good. Love yourself, girl.

Thanks, but I am not interested in him: he lives abroad and is married. I was just curious about his attitude. Besides his jokes were really mild. I think it's more a case of someone not understanding that he is being a bit shallow and inappropriate. And yes, I know he likes me and even if he didnt, I dont have to prove anything to anyone. I was just curious. I am not in love or anything

Thanks, but I am not interested in him: he lives abroad and is married. I was just curious about his attitude. Besides his jokes were really mild. I think it's more a case of someone not understanding that he is being a bit shallow and inappropriate. And yes, I know he likes me and even if he didnt, I dont have to prove anything to anyone. I was just curious. I am not in love or anything

The jokes being mild do not mean they are less harmful. They are still fatphobic and him actively using them and others around him tolerating and accepting it means there is room for them to be *more* harmful later. That is to say, there is no such thing as a mild fat joke.

Whether or not you have feelings for him, it may be worth exploring with yourself why you felt the need to come here for advice about someone you don't feel all that attached to

I was just curious and this feels like the best place where to ask. I cant have feelings for someone I never met. I also feel there is a VERY strong difference between a Mild joke and bullism/fatshaming. I think you have been hurt in the past. I am sorry that my post somehow resurrected some bad memories. It wasnt my intention.

I was just curious and this feels like the best place where to ask. I cant have feelings for someone I never met. I also feel there is a VERY strong difference between a Mild joke and bullism/fatshaming. I think you have been hurt in the past. I am sorry that my post somehow resurrected some bad memories. It wasnt my intention.

Nothing to add, but I do it anyways 😉

It might be confusing but sadly true, that many who fetishize fat are indeed fat phobic. He's not worth your time but goid that he doesn't even bother to hide his real personality. Thanks god there are a lot of people out there who are able to genuinely appreciate fuller bodys *and* the person inside of it.

I dont know, maybe there is something about my post implying I have feelings for him, but it seems to me you guys are kinda overeacting. He is married and we exchanged a few flirty messages. Then I found out he made a few mild fat jokes. Not at my expense, just in general. I think you guys are seeing this under a very dramatic light. Hope I'll get less raged opinions.

As for him being married: I am not overjoyed about it, but it's just harmless fun