I guess its because i like to feel vulnerable especially when im in bed i want to feel like im being preyed upon, and when he catches me... he can do whatever he wants and usually that entails shoving food in my mouth and playing with my fat, and the tought of becoming fatter and, as a consequence less able to fight back this predator, turns me on so much ! so much that its been 2 years that i have been eating really bad and i developed type 2 diabetes wich now makes it even easier to gain weight because of the insulin and the drowsyness.
i guess that one thing brings to another and knowing that i know have diabetes and going back to 2 years earlier is impossible, i am pretty sure im not gonna be able to lose weight even if i tried my hardest, my diet mostly consists of fast food and sweets wich led to me gaining more than 20kg in the last 2 years, and i know that i should stop or slow down but knowing that maybe in 2 more years im gonna be 20kilos heavier ,if not more (because of diabetes) turns me on so much, the thought of my friends and family looking at me becoming obese and thinking how much ive let myself go is the best and i cannot have enough of it.
that scares me a bit because i already have breathing problems and snoring like A LOT! and also it makes it harder LIKE MUCH MORE COMPLICATED
to travel wich is one of my greatest passions but i guess the arousal and satisfaction i get from looking at my body and seeing how it grows and that im doing this to myself its just better than being able to fit in a plane seat.
i guess that one thing brings to another and knowing that i know have diabetes and going back to 2 years earlier is impossible, i am pretty sure im not gonna be able to lose weight even if i tried my hardest, my diet mostly consists of fast food and sweets wich led to me gaining more than 20kg in the last 2 years, and i know that i should stop or slow down but knowing that maybe in 2 more years im gonna be 20kilos heavier ,if not more (because of diabetes) turns me on so much, the thought of my friends and family looking at me becoming obese and thinking how much ive let myself go is the best and i cannot have enough of it.
that scares me a bit because i already have breathing problems and snoring like A LOT! and also it makes it harder LIKE MUCH MORE COMPLICATED
to travel wich is one of my greatest passions but i guess the arousal and satisfaction i get from looking at my body and seeing how it grows and that im doing this to myself its just better than being able to fit in a plane seat.
3 years