General

Good on you for reaching out. Hopefully you’ll be open to and have opportunities for other forms of support besides here.

First of all, what might now seem like forever is unlikely to be forever. When i was 22, i bonded in love with the person i thought was the only one on the entire planet who could love me. We set about living together with full commitment like a marriage. Each of us had reasons to ignore warning signs that maybe we were not the best for each other, ignoring them mostly due to youth and inexperience. We carried on for 7 years of significant ups and downs before she exited and i was forced to move on.

Judging yourself harshly for having the strong desires you have is likely to be unproductive. You seem aware of the fundamental requirement of fully respecting your love interest’s bodily autonomy, apparently leaving you struggling with your inner desires.

For the most part we don’t have control over having or not having our desires, but do and must have control over whether/how/when we express them in the outer world. My own desire for significant fatness on my love interest (or myself, which still is not working out at all and likely never will) and in particular a minimum of her being OK with her fatness has remained elusive most of my life until this past October. I was able to successfully connect with other long-term (our mutual choice) love interests in the past, but the fat angle never (until a few months ago) worked out. My very powerful desires never went away, and indeed became much more clear in my mind and psyche over the years.

What worked for me was taking the first word of the name of this site seriously: Fantasy. My creative medium turned out to be writing. Starting first as an anti-suicide measure, i started writing (primitive) fat fic literature for myself. This gave me a safe space to get all the way into my deep fat joy + fat gain desires with no harm to any living person. The sex scenes became their own highly fulfilling adventures, with wonderful real life arousal. The love scenes soothed my aching desires for “endless” hugs and cuddles and touches/caresses.

During this time span there was no real world romantic love interest, so no one was being denied anything as i found fulfillment in fiction. Had there been such an intimate interpersonal relationship, there would have had to have been some serious, considerate, heartfelt discussion of how to get everyone’s needs met. It might be possible that your current love has her own deep-seated societally-atypical need (by any label, whether “kink” or lifestyle or other). Whether she does or not, an honest discussion of yours and how to wholly respect her and her bodily autonomy and get your and her passion needs met may prove helpful.

Deep breaths, keep working on things. Nothing’s permanent yet… or ever.

Good on you for recognizing the problem.

If you aren't seeing a therapist, I'd recommend you look into seeing one.

Outside of that, I'd do some self reflecting to find out why you feel that way. Once you figure that out, you can overcome it.

I also encourage you to find other reasons besides your partner's size to find her attractive. That way, as she loses weight, you're attraction won't decrease. You'll just shift your focus.

I understand you 110%. You are not alone

That's some pretty defeatist language. You are acting as if the relationship is already doomed to fail. If you have that expectation, then you will have that outcome. You need to change your mindset. Because if you think like this, you'll find yourself self-sabotaging.

Good luck!