Feedmethicker:
I have mixed feelings about having this fetish. One part of me loves it, I think being able to love and appreciate bigger bodies (whether my own or someone else's) is a great thing. However, I also feel a bit anxious and somewhat shameful about it. I know feedism isn't the weirdest thing out there but it's definitely not something I'd want other people knowing.
I've started gaining myself after being in denial for years and I'm still kinda on the fence about it. I do have a history of eating disorders, so naturally weight gain is a little daunting to me. My eating disorders were deeply rooted in childhood trauma (most notably sexual abuse) so I have an internal fear of looking more 'curvy' and 'feminine'. Also, I find that much of my identity is attached to being tall and slender, I was always praised for it, many were jealous of me, so it's hard to give that up. I'm also worried the fat I gain will not distrubute on my body the way I want it to, I don't wanna 'ruin' my body for it to not look the way I want (I'm a worry-wart, I know).
I don't wish to get rid of my feedism fetish, however, I wish I only liked other fat people instead of having a desire to make myself bigger.
I’ve always had the same about being praised for being slender. My family, my friends, everyone has complemented me on that in the past. I used to deny that I wanted to be fat, but after at least more than 20 years of denying myself the right to be how I wish to be because I’m afraid to lose that praise, I’ve realised that life is too short not to be who I feel I am in the inside. So I agree, I’ve also wished I could get rid of this, but embracing who I am is being more helpful than it is traumatising.
