0Seth0:
I think I'm not the only one having trouble with telling my partner about the feederism kink I have. I've been wated to tell my partner for months now but never got the courage to do so. Yesterday we talked about how we don't really talk about our activities in bed and how we both try to come up with new ideas to expand our sexual experiences. I will spare everyone the details but it ended up pretty emotional. I didn't talk about the feederism kink and how it may affect our physical love life, but after yesterday I just have to tell my partner about it. It will make things easier to understand and to deal with.
I assume I'm not the only one who had this problem before, and I'm hoping some of you already had the courage to tell your partner about your sexual preferences. My question is, how did you do it? Is there any subtle way to tell your partner about feederism? What were their response?
Thanks for reading and considering responding
I would do it very bluntly and clinically, in detail. Choosing the place and time is important, too. Right before church would be a good time, or during a nice dinner out.
Seriously, though - it depends on your partner? How would you bring up any other kind of delicate information with them? Don’t ambush them or bring it up first thing in the morning while they’re drinking coffee. I wouldn’t do it in bed, either. If it goes badly you’re associating the bedroom with negative feelings. Say “hey, we spoke the other day about being more open with each other about sexual wants/needs. I would like to talk more about this. Would you like to come over and have a drink and talk?”
Then don’t be weird about it. They’re your partner, you already have an idea of what their preferences are, what they like. What’s an aspect of your kink that you think they might be into? If the answer is “nothing at all”, uh. I have bad news for you. I mean you could still try, but just don’t expect someone else to force their sexuality to match yours.
But maybe there’s an angle — “I know you’re sensitive about this part of your body, but I love it and if you’re trying to make yourself thinner for me, you don’t have to”, or maybe she likes being pampered or spoiled and that’s a comfortable place for her. Maybe she just likes good food and you could talk about how sensual good food can be. Food play in bed is fairly vanilla, and could be a good way to start. Or maybe you could say that it would turn you on when every time she ate it made her think of you, a secret love language.
But I wouldn’t use a lot of (any) fetish lingo or say you want to force feed her or to talk about how big you want her to be. Unless that’s her thing. You know her I don’t.
With my current partner I did something like what I talked about, they thought it was funny more than sexy, indulged me for a little while but decided it wasn’t their kink and that was the end of it. You can’t force it.
Good luck.
Edit— the part about not ambushing them is super important. This is a while back, but my partner told me, in a heartfelt way, that they wanted to lose weight and basically asked my permission. Which was incredibly kind and understanding of them. But they wanted to make sure that it wasn’t going to cause issues, and of course I said it wouldn’t. However, the first time they chose to do it was right before bed, when I wasn’t expecting it. And I felt a little ambushed. Even if I had a major objection (I didn’t) I would have felt like I had to agree with them because I was put on the spot. The second time they asked just to confirm was first thing in the morning when I was drinking coffee and half awake. Don’t do that to your partner, especially in this situation. Plan a time to talk, make sure she knows it’s about a sex topic, make sure it’s a time that works for both of you and isn’t stressy because of other reasons. Give her a fair chance to hear you and think about it. And don’t push her for an answer.
