General

I was chatting online with a feedist/fat admirer, showing each other pics, I sent a belly pic and he commented something like: it's much bigger than I thought, you're fatter than other girls I've been with. And I was turned off/uncomfortable. I know it's a compliment coming from fetishists and admirers but it still triggers bad feelings, which makes me sad because sexy talk turns into bullying in my mind. I noticed i like neutral comments like how soft i am, squishy, comfortable... But comparison, or commenting on "critical areas" is triggering. Idk if it's normal, it goes away... any tips? Thank you

Hmmmm, I dunno. If that's the kind flat tone they use, it's just not nice. Folks have got to just come to terms with the fact that some, if not most fat folks are gonna be sensitive to the tone of a comment.

Example: if my date pulls up her shirt for the first time and see just how big her belly is, I'm not gonna say, 'wow, that's pretty big' in a monotone voice.

I'm gonna grin & say 'woah! Look at what a big treasure you've been hiding!' More likely, I would omit the word 'big' altogether.

Also, things might change if you meet a real person who flat out likes the way you look.

Having come to terms with being an FA a long time ago means I've also changed my mind about those "critical areas" I'm not sure what you specifically mean by that, but I'm willing to bet those have turned into some of my favorite areas!

In conclusion: I don't really think this is a "you" problem. Just make it known how you feel these things. There is no shame in being sensitive.

Oh yeah, and welcome to the forum!

Thank you for sharing your experience and sorry it made you feel uncomfortable. With any fetish, there is a 'wide zone' of things that fall under the umbrella. Some people like a little weight gain, while others like more. Or, certain body parts gain, etc.
When you are talking with someone online, you may choose to be more open and sharing and each of your definitions of size may differ and might make each of you uncomfortable.
Finding the right balance of conversation is always tricky. And, it's always braver to sit behind a computer, so know that you are only 'learning' a part of someone during online discussions.
Advice that was given to me was to be clear; if you are not sure, ask what that person means if a comment irks you; and be polite and always know you can back out of a conversation if it makes you uncomfortable. Good luck!

I think it depends on the person, don't try to fit your kink into molds that were made by other people, if something doesn't sit right with you, don't do it... some people get off on the idea that fat is this thing that makes them vulnerable and they get turned on by the "humiliation" of it. For some it is a sign of power and taking more space and like to be worshipped for it. While others are more attracted to the softness and and the sex appeal of a curvier rounder fuller body.
so of course these three people will require different kind of foreplay and lexicon to turn them on.. fat kink is not just one note, there are many layers to it.