Fattening others

Hey I’m pretty new here and only found the site because I found out my boyfriend likes it and is a “feeder” and secretly fed me in the past. I didn’t know it at the time. I’m exploring the idea of doing small intentful gains for his pleasure but I am worried it could get carried away and that would make me feel uncomfortable.

What are good limits to set and has anyone had a successful submissive healthy relationship and if so how did you manage? Examples wood be helpful.

How do you limit non-consensual feeding? I don’t want surprises in my food again.

How did you measure or know she/he gained weight if the boundaries are set to only have small gains? Is it pointless to start if I don’t want big gains and will he just want more in the end?

How did you find out? Did this lead to you confronting him?



You need to establish boundaries; asking this question in a public forum for advice is a good start. Talking to him and asking about his expectations should be your next step. Negotiating kink, is, by definition, a negotiation. Find out what each of you want. Figure out what you are and are not willing to give each other. Meet in the middle, or as far as you each are comfortable with; if that gap is too large, the kink should not proceed.



Ask yourself what "too far" would be like for you. Do you want to maintain or attain a certain lower weight than what he might desire? Do you want to be able to remain physically fit? Are you worried about outside judgment? Only you can answer these questions for yourself. Once you know them, communicate them to your partner.




Telling him that you do not want any more non-consensual feeding is a good start, and explain why.

However, the larger concern I have is that you worry about surprises in your food. If that is the starting point for this kink, I'm not sure you should proceed with the kink at all until he can prove he's wiling to respect your boundaries.

It would be easier to give advice if we knew how exactly he surprised you in the first place, but if it was something in the vein of adding real sugar to your food and lying that it was artificial sweetener... well, that's a betrayal of trust that I wouldn't forgive quickly. Don't accept food from him at all, if that's what it takes.

Frankly, I'm close to suggesting you end the relationship because that kind of deceit disgusts me, but I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Trust your instincts. If it feels like abuse, call it out. If he dismisses or reacts negatively to you asserting boundaries, dump him as soon as it's safe to do so.



There are people in this community who are feedees and eat for their partners but intentionally lose weight or maintain a low/healthy weight. Similarly, there are people who don't mind feedees who are thin and would even prefer occasional bouts of stuffing over secret feedings to induce a long-term gain. I have a guess as to which your boyfriend is.

This is a matter of personal taste and it will depend on what he wants and how much he can demonstrate respect for your boundaries. If he seems like he will push those boundaries, don't bother with indulging his kink at all.

I just checked your profile, and I'll add a bit more.



If you still enjoy elements of non-con, despite the discomfort you expressed in the OP, then I'd advise you to look up consensual non-consent. Some of the advice you'll find as you research that will stress the importance of hard boundaries, of negotiating specific windows of opportunity if you want it to be a surprise, and aftercare that includes a check-in with reality and your goals outside of kink.

what the heck is consensual non-consent

There are hundreds of articles that can explain it better within more traditional BDSM contexts. Within feederism it would be something like tying your struggling feedee to the bed as you fill their stomach with gainer shake as they protest being "force-fed,"maybe with some kidnapping roleplay, but where you both agree to the activity beforehand, because the feedee would get off to that kind of domination, and have tools like safewords and pre-negotiated hard-boundaries to avoid actually violating the feedee's consent.

Some people get off on feeling helpless and under someone else's control. My partner loves it when I'm being an evil feeder - goes out of his way to get me in that mood.

Of course, there are regular check ins and I keep the situation highly monitored. We have a safe word, but he's never needed to use it.

I agree it's a slippery slope, but not for that reason.

I didn't get into it at the time because Poly said all there is to say, but I will reiterate.

Her boyfriend (whom I hope she left) is abusive. She understands this to a degree because she's trying to regain some level of autonomy while placating him.

This is not the best thing to do. If you start to give to an abuser's whims early on, you'll find yourself willing to do anything even if you hate it. I've seen it many a time before.

Wow. I am a feeder. Encourager i have enabled my partner to gain weight over the years to where she now has very limited mobility. Also she continues to gain weight. When i met her she would have been described as a plumper back then.
I told her i loved her larger body. She said she liked being a larger woman. So from the get go we both enjoyed her size. This was in the days of pre internet. There was a few publications that referred to feederism. But it was very underground and not in the public domain. We eventually split up not getting back together for a number of years. On meeting her again she had gained a additional 100 pounds.
We spoke about her gain and everything has been by mutual consent since. In my experience once a couple have discussed the basics it becomes very easy to talk about the future. Also my partner decides what she wants. As her feeder she leads, it's her body her choice. If she wants to diet that's her call. Currently we have discussed her pending immobility. My issue is he has secretly fed you. Also you seem happy to possibly make some small gains. Unfortunately i don't think it works like that. Huge weight gain is only small gain's overtime. Also if you do gain a little weight you are giving the green light to a feeder feedee relationship. As a feeder myself i have to ask the question will he be satisfied with a moderate gain? He has broken the taboo of secretly fattening you without your consent. Ultimately if you go ahead it's very difficult to diet and loose weight. Most diet's fail. Even with surgery. If you choose to gain the weight is likely to be always with you. In my opinion if you have the slightest doubt. Do not do it.

Wow. I am a feeder. Encourager i have enabled my partner to gain weight over the years to where she now has very limited mobility. Also she continues to gain weight. When i met her she would have been described as a plumper back then.
I told her i loved her larger body. She said she liked being a larger woman. So from the get go we both enjoyed her size. This was in the days of pre internet. There was a few publications that referred to feederism. But it was very underground and not in the public domain. We eventually split up not getting back together for a number of years. On meeting her again she had gained a additional 100 pounds.
We spoke about her gain and everything has been by mutual consent since. In my experience once a couple have discussed the basics it becomes very easy to talk about the future. Also my partner decides what she wants. As her feeder she leads, it's her body her choice. If she wants to diet that's her call. Currently we have discussed her pending immobility. My issue is he has secretly fed you. Also you seem happy to possibly make some small gains. Unfortunately i don't think it works like that. Huge weight gain is only small gain's overtime. Also if you do gain a little weight you are giving the green light to a feeder feedee relationship. As a feeder myself i have to ask the question will he be satisfied with a moderate gain? He has broken the taboo of secretly fattening you without your consent. Ultimately if you go ahead it's very difficult to diet and loose weight. Most diet's fail. Even with surgery. If you choose to gain the weight is likely to be always with you. In my opinion if you have the slightest doubt. Do not do it.

Well how did you discover he was feeding you?
Did you find out by you self or did he come clean ?

Than what is a small gain ?
1-2 pounds ? Weight is fluctuating so I wouldn‘t bother for that kind of range
Aspecilay if you plan on loosing it again
Rather would take a longer period let’s say 10 pounds by Chrismas or over the holidays so taking it slow !
Than honing back to normal .
I would never push some one to more than a bmi of 35!
Above that the likely hood for health problems increases !
So at you height 220 i would put as a hard limit !

So you could negotiate phases were he is allowed to fatten you, example for December and the holidays and you just see we’re you end up !

I would put hin to the test and see how he reaks if u want to Maintain or loose a bit !